Ex refusal to do his share

[Storm76]

My husband left me last year stating he didn’t know what he wanted any more. We have 2 grown up sons and a 12 year old daughter.

He rented a 2 bedroomed house so that she could sleepover.

In 12 months he hasn’t had her sleep over once because ‘he can’t handle it’. He believes that he can see her whenever she wants as she’s old enough to decide for herself. Him looking after her while I’m at work is a favour to me. (He took voluntary redundancy before Xmas and isn’t working yet)

I have no life, I can’t make plans, I can’t even go out for a coffee during the school holidays without telling him who I’m meeting and how long I’ll be gone. He has refused to go to mediation.

My question is – do I put my foot down and stop him seeing our daughter while I go through the court process of do I let things continue the way they are?

[moonwhisper]

Stopping him seeing your daughter may not be the best thing for your daughter. Have you tried to explore other options for minding your daughter, maybe one of your grown up sons could help and give you a break. Maybe other family members? friends?. Being so reliant on him for minding may not be helping to empower you.

[Storm76]

One son lives in another city, too far to offer help although he has been very supportive.

The other son lives just down the road but refuses to help. He’s a daddy’s boy and thinks I’m in the wrong for ‘demanding’ proper contact.

My mam helps where she can but she’s looking after my disabled dad. Unfortunately that’s about all I have, I have no friends that I can ask.

I really don’t want to stop him seeing her and that would certainly be a last resort. I’m just not sure on the best course of action 😏

The really annoying thing is I’m not even bothered about her sleeping over his every weekend, I love our weekend evenings. But the odd weekend or even when it’d help me out so I can do some overtime here and there.

[moonwhisper]

I get you. I have no solutions unfortunately, but I know that this is temporary, they grow fast. Take as much focus off him as you can, you can’t change another person. Put the focus back on things that are within your power to do for yourself, even if they may be limited right now. Best wishes for you

[Storm76]

Thank you Moonwhisperer, you may not have a solution but your comments are appreciated none the less 🙂

[CarolWales]

Hi Storm

That’s a very difficult situation to be in! I don’t know what your financial situation is like, but could you hire a babysitter here and there? Or organise for your daughter to go to a friend’s house for a sleep over, or an afternoon? Maybe there is another single parent in the area and you could help each other out with that, provided your kids get on?

Hang in there, it won’t be like this forever.

Carol

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