Ex partner threatening me with Court.
30 January 2021 at 7:00 pm #48859
My daughter goes to her dads 2 nights a week. The past 6 months I’ve had her in her own room&bed. I’ve been strict with her bedtime routine but I’ve really struggled and has my daughter- when she comes home from her dads overnight she is grumpy, out of routine and really badly behaved. I stuck it out for quite a while but it’s got to the stage where I am sitting with her for 2-3 hours on her first night home from dads after a long day of bad behaviour from being home. I understand this can be confusing for kids, however it has gotten too much. I had a civil word with her father today suggesting to rule out the overnight stay during the week to keep her routine the best I can during the week and to keep the overnight stay to his choosing over the weekend. Trial and error. Also suggested an extra day during the week if he felt he was missing out on time. Just stated I wanted more stability overnight in the one household. He agreed and understood and has clearly had words with his mother and sister who has always controlled every situation in his life. He has now threatened me with a text to say he’s taking me to court if I don’t agree with him keeping that night during the week. I’m also pregnant and feel extremely anxious by this message.
I just need advice.30 January 2021 at 7:15 pm #48860
Really contact needs to go ahead as normal. There could be many reasons why your daughter is restless when she gets back and her dad shouldnt be blamed for this. Hopefully you can co-parent and speak to each other and discuss how she maybe less restless. Stopping contact though would feel like he is being punished so i can understand why he maybe wants to return to court. I think you can resolve this between each other and hopefully u can both work together to improve the transition between both homes30 January 2021 at 7:22 pm #48863
I’m not stopping contact. I’ve offered 12-5 on the night during the week he has her. Or an extra day if he wanted I just wanted her at home with me overnight during the week to see if that helped. I really have tried to talk him through her routine and diet etc I feel like nothing is working yet when she’s with me she’s fine and her usual self30 January 2021 at 9:13 pm #48867
It sounds like your daughter isnt of school age yet. If you are offering every weekend overnights wouldnt do no harm if dad was only having daytime contact during week. Theres no right or wrong way how to deal with it as long as both parents are happy30 January 2021 at 9:19 pm #48868
No she is 3 but is starting nursery September 2021. And I’d prefer her being with me throughout the school week as I don’t want too much back and forth. I’m gonna have another word with him and hope that he comes to some agreement by as it stands he’s taken me to court if I take away the overnight during the week not even compromising as I’ve offered with the daytime hours. Thanks for ur advice31 January 2021 at 11:41 pm #48883
Hi, I think what you suggested is very fair and reasonable. You can trail and error just to see if she starts been ok – plus it’s in the best interest of the child. Try to speak again and explain this and say it has nothing to do with his mum or sister your her mother not her! You are her mother and you know what is best for your child. It is not fair that you are having issues with her after her overnight contact so I agree with what your new suggestions are especially if just trail and error and see what works best for everyone!
Try not to worry about the court comment he probably just trying to scare you! X1 February 2021 at 12:45 am #48886
Thank you, that has reassured me. I tried having another word with him today, saying that I’ve tried being fair and it’s to benefit our daughter. I said that I wanted us both to come to some agreement that we are happy with because court is unnecessary but he said he’s made his decision and is taking legal action because he’s not ‘losing out on his second night’ and his time with our daughter at the click of a finger. I said that the statement he came out with was so incorrect- I have offered 12-5 on his day during the week and any other days he is free he can take her alongside his overnight at the weekend. This has made me so so stressed and I just don’t know what to do. My daughter is my world and he clearly thinks of himself so much that he doesn’t understand this is for her benefit x1 February 2021 at 11:29 am #48894
if he applies to court, then I don’t think he will be allowed to have child overnight mid-week. they will probably get him to see child for few hours midweek. It seems like they grant mid-week overnights once child starts nursery. also from his point of view perhaps, 2 nights a week is not much. the child will adjust moving between 2 homes as they get older.1 February 2021 at 12:31 pm #48901
thanks for your reply.
everything is on his terms and that night during the week suits him which is why he is turning down extra time with her during the week and refusing to have her 12-5 on his day during the week. It’s been difficult trying to get her back into routine and I don’t see it being worth it hence suggesting this and he still gets to see her obviously. He’s not looking at the bigger picture