Ex partner saying the children don’t want to see me

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  • #61770 Report

    JMar
    Participant

    I’m supporting my partner at the moment. And coming on here to seek advice and see if there are others with similar experiences.

    my partner separated from his ex 18 months ago following years of emotional abuse. When they first separated he had regular contact with his 2 boys who he has always had a strong bond and loving relationship with.

    Over the months mum was making it more difficult for him to have contact, making excuses and manipulating the children and isolating them from him.

    he sought advice and followed what he was told by his solicitor and cafcass.
    family court was recently adjourned as services working with the children wanted to do further assessments as they believed mum was manipulating the situation.

    The risk and uncertainty is that the children are older; 13 and nearly 16 and we’ve been told they’re old enough to make up their own minds.

    this is really impacting on dad and I’m concerned for his emotional state.

    he contacts every week through emails, letters and texts but doesn’t get a response.

    mum gets her friends to tell him to stay away and has also involved the police with lies and allegations. All of which have been investigated and found untrue to the point the police have issued her with a warning.

    this is really sad and is welcome any advice of what he can do.

    although cafcass have been supportive and appear to believe his side they’re not the greatest at responding to emails and calls, leaving my partner at the point of giving up and hitting rock bottom.

    thanks in advance

    J

    #61773 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    are cafcass doing a welfare report? also is their an upcoming court hearing?

    #61780 Report

    JMar
    Participant

    Hi Steve

    thanks for your message.

    not sure about welfare report.. I’ll check. Cafcass asked an external service to complete the section 7 report but weren’t happy with it so are now doing it themselves.

    court hearing is mid November.

    just not sure what we can do given the boys are older but cafcass are agreeing that mum is manipulating the children into not wanting to see their dad.

    thanks

    #61781 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello,

    unfortunately, there isn’t much he can do. The court will not make a child arrangement order for a 16-year-old and even if he gets one for the 13-year-old, it will be almost impossible to enforce it. As this, in your opinion, is mostly driven by the mother, my strategies would be to exclude her. I would make direct contact with the boys on top of a reduced number of letters and calls. Are there any parents of classmates or friends of his boys he can make arrangements with for trips or campfires in the garden? Any other places he can just turn up and take them to a place of interest? He needs to make himself interesting instead of abundance. There is no chance to win for him, to play by the rules because there are no real sanctions in place if your counterpart doesn’t play by the rules. The mother is using the kids as a stick to hit him. So the more he exposes his backside, the better she can hit him.

    In my experience, the whole system favours the cheating and lying party and your only option is consistency and creativity.

    #61792 Report

    JMar
    Participant

    thanks sirtobi

    I agree the system is biased and although we all know and cafcass agree that children thrive better where possible there are two loving stable parents.

    The mum has also alienated the kids from all paternal family too, grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins.

    She’s told so many lies about him, it’s heartbreaking.

    Thanks for responding

    J

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