Ex partner controlling financial support and contact with my son when he's there

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  • #17961 Report


    Hi everyone,

    I’m pretty new here… but I would love to get some advice about this. My ex and myself split last year and our son who is 3.5 years old. Our break up was messy as he left me for another woman who he is still with. I have tried to be mature about this and try smooth things over for communication regarding our son, but it seems she has a serious grudge against me and has told him he must’nt talk to me. We never see each other anymore as we use nursery as a mutual drop -off / collection point. He had agreed from the start of the separation to provide a childcare voucher each month towards our son’s full nursery fees. I work full time, but the costs of nursery even now with the fees are so high. I was managing until he decided to not pay this anymore.

    The main issue; he earns a considerable amount more than me, but knows that if I do go through CSA to claim this money this way, he would probably pay less. Does anyone know if theres a way that you can apply through CSA and they can take into account childcare costs? I’ve not got enough money each month to fit the bill for full time nursery costs and rent each month! My tax credits are cut as I’m just over the maximum. I’ve got no savings as just getting by. Does anyone know of anything I should do to avoid going through CSA? He as refused mediation, i’ve ever tried a communications book in my son’s nursery bag and not getting anywhere.

    Nursery even suggested that I only pay for the days my son is in my care 80% of the time and put forward that he pays for those days if he is refusing. I don’t want it to get nasty!?

    #17966 Report


    Hi there Chloeandthebear,

    Thank you for sharing your situation on the forum and welcome to our amazing community of single parents.

    It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time and it’s important that you feel supported. We hear what you’re saying and you aren’t alone in how you’re feeling. Please carry on using the forum and chatting to the community, if you find it useful. We’re sure that other parents will be able to share useful and supportive advice. Take care and thanks again for reaching out.

    Best wishes,

    Rosie at Gingerbread

    #18061 Report



    Thanks for your reply. My son will be going to school in september yes, however, I’ve been pretty organised and applied already for his place. I have changed my childcare voucher to a higher amount to save a bit more money each month and also given my ex an ultimatum in regards to him paying for the childcare costs when I do not have my son. I am giving him a months notice that I will be reducing his days to 4 days a week instead of five.

    I have also found that if I move somewhere slightly smaller it will cut costs..

    Fortunately, my work is amazing and looking to be fairly flexible when it comes around next year in September. I am hoping to cut my hours to part time, its so twisted that I would get more financial support if I work less, its so frustrating!! I love my job. But that way I would atleast save on breakfast clubs etc. It’s such a shame that the most stressful thing about being a single parent, is about money for me. My partner was very controlling with money, so I am used to this sort of behavior. I am going to contact CSA to get advice about this and see what I can do if he does refuse to pay.

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