Ex not paying what is in divorce agreement

[VickyLParticipant]

Hi.

My ex husband and I divorced in 2017 and part of the divorce agreement was that he would pay half of our children’s (we have 2) School clothes, after school clubs etc, and to begin with as soon as I showed him a receipt he would pay up.

Since April this year however he is saying he can’t afford it & has only given me £20 a month towards what he owes yet he is constantly visiting his mum who lives in Torquay, we are in Wiltshire, is going away to Butlins for New Year & lives beyond his means as he has the full sky package for example.

He now owes me nearly £200.  I have asked him how he thinks I can afford it anymore than him but get no response.

The divorce was not amicable and he is still very bitter about it & about me moving on with my life.

Any advice would be greatfully received.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

As a year has passed he can apply for a variation citing financial reasons.

You can say he’s living above his means, but really that’s none of your concern.

If he’s paying back you’re getting the money. Albeit slowly. Maybe to avoid this next time provide him with a list of what’s required so he has to pay at the outset. Though I’d give him notice like June for the September uniform etc.

[VickyLParticipant]

Yes, he could but he hasn’t.

I disagree with you.  It is my concern when he is not providing for his children, as he said he would.

How am I supposed to tell him up front when I don’t know until the last term of the year has finished or the children decide they want to try out a school club and the school wants payment straight away or there is a school trip that needs paying or swimming lessons.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

As I said, if he goes for a variation you’ll more than likely lose the “right” to claim anything above maintenance and he’d probably pay cms rates if not already, so it could be a double whammy financially.

I think that all the time he hasn’t gone for a variation you need to think out of the box and plan ahead. You know that the children will need new school clothes annually so do as I suggested above. Perhaps have home clothes that are for your house so he buys for the next ace up at his. School trips, charity days, activities etc budget for them; you roughly know what these are if you think about it. So use that as a basis fir calculating and have a small payment a month for it.

Ultimately, what one plans for with good intentions at divorce point can change. And he is also entitled to a life. You may not like how he spends his money but that’s his choice.

School sounds more your remit, and the truth maybe that you wish for your children to participate in all potential chargeable activities, but if he either doesn’t have the finances for this or  disagrees with it, you need to make a decision then to either fund it yourself or not let your children participate in all of the activities.

[VickyLParticipant]

He will only ever pay on receipt of an invoice anyway, which I have no problem with, but until he/if he does go for a variation he should stand by what he has agreed to.

Everything else is not an issue.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

Succesful Co-parenting requires compromise and understanding on both parties sides. You’re in early days to create waves now when he is paying but over time. I presume the order doesn’t specify a timescale he has to have paid additional fees by? Does it list all activities he can be required to contribute towards?

Non resident parents often get a bad press, but sometimes I think that there’s not enough understanding how difficult it is to have to start again, after losing the family home, finances and their children for the larger part as well as having to fund a.new life whilst paying for their child etc. Whilst the resident parent continues to receive child benefit, tax credits and other top ups etc.

[Author]

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