Ex moved in next door !!!!

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  • #9867 Report

    My ex husband has recently moved in 3 doors away from me,now my daughter wants to spend all her time there and says she is only happy when she is there which was not the case before. She never wants to see me or come on days out.my ex husband is not working with me and will not tell her to spend time with me rather he will say to me it is her choice !!! She is 10 years old…i don’t no which way to turn to get to see her more…has anyone else had this problem ????

    #9871 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Er no. That must be pretty unusual. And difficult. So, what is the custody situation? Is it shared? That needs to be established first.

    #9901 Report

    Thanks,it’s very difficult and an unusual situation,it seems the activities she enjoys don’t want to be done with me anymore…I can’t help but feel he has moved there for her to be with him all the time….before he was having her every other weekend and a night in the week….like you say I think I am just going to have to ride this one out.

    #9917 Report

    His reason for moving there was that he needed a home to have his children…he was already renting a property nearby !!!!!! Rent was up for renewal but decided to take the one next to me !!!!!!! I have thought about moving myself but why should I be pushed out of my home where I have lived happily for 6 years.No no girlfriend but I have recently started seeing someone.

    #9922 Report

    ItIsWhatItIs
    Participant

    Sorry for this, but am i missing something? A father has moved closer to his child so he could have a home his child, spend more time with her and the she clearly wants/enjoys this? Sounds like the issue is about your uncomfortableness rather than the paramount interest of the your daughter – who is 10 years and has the ability to express her wishes.  If you decide to remove the children from their closeness (physical and emotional) relationship with their father, then that does not sound like it is done for the ‘best interests of the children’ unless you are aware of any risk issues?  Like others have suggested, it may not suit you, but you may have to ride it out and learn to tolerate the uncomfortable feelings that you do not want this.

    #9925 Report

    hi,thanks for your opinion it is good to hear things from another perspective….however he was already living within walking distance from my home and seeing his daughter a lot which I would not want to change…if he was within walking distance why move even closer???

    #9927 Report

    ItIsWhatItIs
    Participant

    I wonder whether his rent renewal prompted him to reevaluate and/or the opportunity move.  I guess he could have two choices, move closer to his child or further away?  As a father, I may well have done the same thing if it meant being closer to my child as apposed to being away, especially if i was renting and had no commitments to where I was living – if we look at the opposite scenario, why would he move further away…to some degree, it shows his commitment to his daughter, which can only be a good thing unless you are aware of any risks by him to her?

    #9928 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    I’m inclined to side with ItIsWhatItIs. Your daughter’s attention is because it’s new and exciting and because she loves him (and that’s better than another reaction like fear, right?). And that will settle down to ordinary given time.

    #9930 Report

    it’s been two weeks now since I have seen her,she is a few doors away but doesn’t want to come to see me or come and do the things she likes (wants to do them with dad) which is fine if that is what she wants…I phone her and she doesn’t want to speak to me…children need both parents and this doesn’t seem to be thbe case with her at the moment.

    #9931 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Like happiness. Like sadness. This too shall pass.

    #9966 Report

    ItIsWhatItIs
    Participant

    I think you need to be very careful with  Anonymous’s advice as this suggest that a) the child is a commodity and you have some sort of ownership/entitlement rather than the child developing their own self and identity, b) that a rank should exist potentially pulling the child into an unhealthy dynamic rather than parenting that is child focussed and places the child’s wishes first, c) an assumption that your daughter is being manipulated and/or held against her wishes.  The latter being a very serious matter indeed and would need professionals to become involved if true.  Anonymous – you are assuming that the child, aged 10 years, is unable to express her wishes and that she could not be possibly want to stay with that parent of her own accord/wishes unless someone is making her?  You advise is very concerning.

    #9967 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Anonymous is just one poster. She doesn’t speak for all of us or for the facts. Canvas lots of opinions before deciding. Some people post based on their personal issues, not broader. But this is your life, and your children’s. Make sure you are accepting advice that works for both.

    All the best.

    #9968 Report

    ItIsWhatItIs
    Participant

    Couldn’t agree more with Empty – it’s really difficult to stay calm and neutral in situations that are threatening who we are (a parent) and we become overwhelmed with negative thoughts and feelings.  It seems like you’re understandably in a very difficult place but the feelings will pass/become different with time and space.  Hold in there, you are her mother and nobody can change that or the bond you have.  Sometimes, children become blinded by the here and now but it does balance itself out with time.

    #9969 Report

    thankyou I appreciate all of your advise.

    #9972 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Anonymous you’re being mischievous. OP knows whether her child is safe otherwise an order wouldn’t be in place. Please don’t presume the worst of the situation. Emotions are complex.

    “Dads for Justice” is beneath you.  I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience, but not all dads are bad and it doesn’t make us militant if we say, hang on, a child’s not in danger, just hang back and play the long game. Some dads have the child’s interests in their heart. Just like some mums.

    And not all children’s love is “bought”. Can we please cut the assumptions and deal with facts as related.

    I’ve read your posts and you can be cleverer than this.

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