Ex making demands ….need advice

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  • #14988 Report


    I have two girls aged 8 & 12 yrs their father lives in Sweden (he’s Swedish) we met in England and moved to Sweden when I was pregnant, I spent 7 yrs there and returned home to England with the children after a year long battle for his permission. I was willing to stay in Sweden but it all got a bit to much and I had nowhere else to live, he wouldn’t move out and he was no help with benefits, the system or getting alternative accomodation.

    We have had an amicable relationship since I moved back in 2012 until recently he has been saying things about me to the children and making me sound bad and undemining me alot. I am not sure but sounds like maybe his mum is pulling his strings, my children tell me what he says and he is making allsorts of plans through them about regular trips to Sweden.

    Their father has been depressed so I hear but seems to just make demands and gets aggressive if I don’t agree. He told the girls in April that he wanted to take them to Tenerife with his friend Daniel and then demanded this in July but I said no as I was worried about the amount they drink when they are together (and Swedes can really drink alot) but now the girls are disappointed and he says I’m being selfish.

    My oldest has been in Sweden for 2 weeks and he is in England to stay for a few days before he heads back. He is making demands to take them to Tenerife in October this time and then Sweden at Christmas and a month next summer so I feel bombarded with demands and overwhelmed with all this especially his attitude. His mum and I don’t get on, she thinks we Brits are too nurturing and spend too much time worrying how they may be feeling. He wanted my daughter to flight to Sweden alone and she suffers from anxiety and so she didn’t want to, I got blamed for that saying I was the one worrying not her so again over riding how she feels.

    He wants them at Christmas, he’s not religious or does he believe in Christmas and they celebrate on Christmas Eve, with him being in another country makes this so hard because I don’t want to spend Christmas without them its easy when you live in the same country you can share the holiday. I have a bigger family and its nice for them to be around their niece and nephew at Christmas. I am happy to share it but not have none of it.  I want to somehow support his willingness to have them but I’m finding this hard. What should I do?

    He wants us to talk later and I’m really anxious about it I don’t want him to come into my flat and talk because I don’t want the girls to hear us but at the same time I’m not sure discussing this in a public place like a pub is a good idea either.

    Some advice please.








    #14995 Report


    Thank you for your reply.

    I am not against him having them by any means just want some compromise. He does come over and spend time with them here as well and did agree to accompany her on the flight in the end. When I can afford it I will happily take them over and drop them off meanwhile his salary is more than adequate to cover the cost of an extra flight.

    We have in the past spent Christmas together as a family so this is something new to deal with. we do need to make future plans but he isn’t making that easy. I have already asked if he would split christmas especially as he prefers the new year end or spend christmas with us and then take the girls back with him for the rest of the hols hoping we can start with that.


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