Ex keeps insisting on Contact during Lockdown

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  • #38619 Report

    The Mumma

    After advice, opinions, affirmation or criticism with this one. Sorry it’s a long post !!!!

    So a little background info first, Ex and i were together 11 yrs have 2 children. Our Son, 14 (who is the only Dad he’s ever known since he was 2 and he adopted him 6 years ago), and our daughter 7. My ex decided to leave me in December and moved out of the family home and in with the woman he left me for. ( a colleague from his team that he’s been lift sharing with for a year)

    We have been co-parenting the best we can whilst adjusting with the shock of the situation he has put on the children and me as it was totally unexpected and came out of the blue. Our son took it very badly as hes older and understands a lot more of what’s happened, because of this he decided he doesn’t really want to see his Dad and his Dad hasn’t bothered to try and change his mind at all or even inquire after him when he calls to talk to our daughter. He calls nearly every night, his job permitting, to say goodnight to our daughter but it is really only ever once a day and never a facetime call unless she asks him too. Just to clarify he can call, facetime as much as he wants to.


    With the Coronavirus so far, the last week before the Schools closed he still picked her up from school when he could, then once the Schools closed we have just been following the guidelines and isolating at home. He is a Key worker so still wanted me to send them to school but I’m lucky enough that I have been able to work from home the last 2 weeks so there was no need, much to his disapproval. I have now been put on Furlough Leave for the foreseeable future so even more reason that they do not need to be sent for the schools to look after them.

    When everyone had been instructed to stay at home and self isolate he wanted to pick her up and take her to the Zoo and couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy about it. Since then most days he asks our daughter when he’s going to see her but never contacts me to discuss it, throughout the last few weeks he has not self isolated at all even when not at work due to him taking annual leave. Now he is back at work it worries me even more if he carries on insisting on seeing her.

    He is a Met Police officer that works in London and deals with lots of different people every shift, he also carries out duties with MP’s and Royals and I was told, by a family member not my Ex, that last Wednesday he was in attendance with Boris Johnson who has tested postive to COVID 19.

    I’ve explained to him that I’m looking out for her well being as should he be, rather than wanting to take her out of her home to somewhere else. His attitude toward the Coronavirus is very blase and he really plays it down like i’m totally overreacting bu staying at home.

    I’m just worried that it’s going to get unpleasant if he doesn’t get his own way, Which is normally what happens, and I feel quite on edge about it.


    Help ??? Am I being unreasonable ? overprotective ?    or is it the right thing to do ?


    Any feedback would be great xx

    #38622 Report


    I would do exactly the same as you. You’re not being unreasonable. You need to stick to government guidelines. If he’s been in contact with covid positive people then he could still have it and show no symptoms and pass it on. You need to keep the children safe. Granted it will be touch him not having contact but there are video calls and standard phone calls. Stick to your guns and don’t doubt yourself X

    #38625 Report


    Agree, stick to your guns. He’s being an idiot and should know better.
    Communicate clearly in writing and offer him as many FaceTime calls or phone calls as he likes. The court will support you while we are in lockdown.

    #38726 Report


    I’ve been in this situation, ex husband is also a police officer. I’ve told him it’s FaceTime or distance visits in my garden where I put the chairs up (he did move them but I’d already anticipated this so I‘d moved them further than necessary). Have also placated him somewhat by counting up the days he’s missed and saying he is more than welcome to those days back after this is done plus extra and have her on all 4 rest days rather than just two, unsurprisingly he wasn’t that keen which makes me think he’s just trying to be difficult.
    Good luck

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