Ex keeps changing arrangements

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  • #13397 Report

    Lauraw1981
    Participant

    Hi, my ex and I separated 3 years ago now.  We made arrangements ourselves with regards to him having the children which were working out great.  He had them every other weekend and we more or less shared the school holidays.  However, recently he has been changing his weekends over the last couple of months, citing that he had work so no longer could take them.  Even though I had to change plans that I had made I was quite happy to change them for this short period of time. This made me nervous for the summer holidays though so tried to get them arranged in a fair way with him which we did.  Instead of a week each he gave me random dates that he would take them, with a bit of juggling for their summer clubs I was able to make it work.  Today, however, he has yet again changed the day he is bringing them back, they were supposed to be away from the 12th July – 17th July he has now told me he is bringing them back the 16th.  I’ve told him I have plans and this time I’m not changing them, I will actually be away all that day and night so no one will be in the house and they will have no entry to the house either.  They are 13, 10 and 9 so obviously can’t be left on their own.  I screenshot the dates he gave me to show him but he’s still adamant that he’s bringing them back a day early.  I know this sounds selfish on my part but I feel that I’ve placated him so much that this time I should stand my ground.  Anyone with words of wisdom right now would be great!

    #13409 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    Get a child arrangement order to reflect what is agreed otherwise it seems he always going to change things at the drop of the hat. I honestly can’t see no other with the exception of mediation or counselling session together so he is aware of how these last minute changes are hitting you hard etc

    #13415 Report

    ourproject
    Participant

    Hey Solomommy – if the CAO is a signed order from the judge then surely he is obligated ? If it says he has the kids say every other weekend and that he will pick them up at 1800 to which he agreed to at that point in time then any deviation which is not mutually agreed would put him in breach of this ; surely ? (I’m asking not stating ! 🙂 ) – I have a PSO and it does say if my ex-partner breaches any part of it then it can result in prison / fine etc . Is it not the same with a CAO?

    #13417 Report

    Lauraw1981
    Participant

    Thank you for replying! I actually feel like he thinks he’s just a babysitter, it does not occur to him he has the responsibility as well as me to find suitable childcare if needs be even though it was him who organised the dates.

    I have thought about mediation as a path to go down, however, in all honesty I feel the same thing will still happen.  The thing that annoys me most is the kids then blame me for the change of plans or if they have missed out seeing him.  He’s still controlling my life and he knows it and it does not bother him one bit.

     

    #13437 Report

    Lauraw1981
    Participant

    I’ve decided now for my own sanity to change my plans, do not want the kids to be abandoned at all which I feel is what he would do! I forget my mental anguish with him negatively affects the kids and I don’t want to affect them the way he is! If I have to give up my plans so be it.  Again thank you for all your advice

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