Ex keeps cancelling seeing/looking after our son

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years ago by H.
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  • #6222 Report


    I am a single mum to a gorgeous 1 year old boy. I left my ex in May as his priorities were not what I wanted (he was very selfish, kept going out on nights out and not coming home).

    We are co parenting and so far I have been civil & friendly.

    Our arrangement (that we both agreed to) was that he has Riley over at his one night a week. I have said he can have him more but he feels unable to because of his job. He is a nurse so works shifts. Because of this the 1 night a week he has him is never the same day each week due to his shift work. So we sort out the nights when he gets his rota 4 weeks in advance. So far he has only had him at his house 3 times.

    He also says he wants to help out more so I try be flexible in letting him “nip in” my home to see Riley.

    He arranged to look after Riley in November when I had an important health appointment. He knew about it for weeks but it was after his day off. I got a text 30 mins before the appointment time saying he had “overslept” so he couldnt come.

    He did the same thing this morning. His excuse this time is he feels too low.

    He hasnt had Riley at his for 3 weeks now. 1) because beginning of December he booked himself a holiday parting in Berlin so couldn’t look fit seeing his son in. I was nice enough to be fine with missing a week. 2) he came back from berlin & having partied too much became ill so cancelled the week after. I was upset because my friend from Newcastle was visiting & we had planned to go out but obviously then couldn’t because my ex cancelled again.

    I am fed up of him being able to cancel & just dip in for the “fun” stuff. Why does he deserve the fun stuff if he doesn’t help out at all?

    What can I do?


    #6379 Report



    Who is more important?

    I had this conversation with my now ex about her then ex – errr, still ex, maybe XX,  Ah, you know what I am trying to say!

    If the other parent is not bothered, and drops appointments, don’t worry – it shows his priorities – and they clearly aren’t his child. Just plan your life between you and your child, don’t rely on him being there. If you wan’t to go out and enjoy life – then arrange for someone to look after the little one.


    #6482 Report


    I have this happen regularly with my daughters father, I just not ever rely on him. I always have a back up option whether that’s after school club or my mum etc. I try to be flexible but I let him know she needs routine and that’s what I will try to provide regardless. Good luck x

    #6739 Report


    I have this with my ex too he kicks off about his access but we have the same about of time with the boys and he doesn’t want extra night because he wants a social life and to spend time with his girlfriend when he doesn’t have the boys and then plans social things concert,theatre,meals,hotel stays,holidays for a week away when he’s meant to have the boys instead of around them he’s so selfish then the minute he at a loose end because she away or out wants the boys getting really fed up of it now.

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