Ex is about to pop, Im actually worried about her

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  • #11576 Report

    RobBob
    Participant

    So we are fresh out of court for our 4 year old girl. The way I feel about it is this, Im happy[ish] with the outcome, our daughter got nearly 50/50 time with me. I thought my ex would be happy because she got what she wanted, sole residence [lives with mother] in the order. She lied through her teeth to get it but never mind its done now.

    So to my problem, Ive been happily getting on with my life and the time I have with my daughter, she is very happy and has settled into the new routine instantly. However, the only one not happy is my ex, she has descended DEEP into paranoia of [my supposed] game playing and battling. She is fighting hard for every little detail in the order to be in her favour, but I havent heard anything from my solicitor, Ive paid them enough Ive left it to them to sort out the details. Anyway the judges want the draft order submitted ASAP so I called the ex to see if we could agree any of the finer points to speed it along.

    She started screaming, about everything, but then she claimed that I put butter on daughters broccoli as a game, Im not joking she was furious. She just kept saying “you know what Im talking about”

    Let me make this clear, this is unprecedented, she has always been controlling and aggressive but we’re grown adults. She’s been abroad on holiday while I had daughter. This is completely uncharacteristic. I CANNOT talk to her, no matter how much sense I make, however calm and reasonable, even if I compromise and capitulate to everything she says, the fury keeps on coming. I know her better than she knows herself and she genuinely believes Ive put butter on broccoli as a slant to her.

    Im actually really worried about her, shes my daughters mother, I cant talk to her family, they hate me.

    We’ve got many many years of this, how in the hell do I calm her down?

    #11591 Report

    Simone123
    Participant

    Wow, sorry your going through this. I don’t really have any advice as you seem like your being more than reasonable. Maybe just communicate when necessary if it’s been like this for years, space. Times a healer hopefully one day she will move on with her life like you have yours. Stsy strong always here to talk X

    #11594 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Forget it – this will pass. You are almost certainly paying your solicitor a great deal of money, so let them earn it – don’t even remotely get involved in discussions with your ex about any of the details, or you’ll muddy the waters. Stay civil. If conversations pop up about broccoli or anything, just remove yourself from that discussion – end the call, whatever. One your solicitor has completed the job, the order will be in place, and you’ll both have to live by it. She may get upset about broccoli, but you can’t do anything about that. One day you’ll laugh at the idea of arguing about a small knob of butter, even if she doesn’t. You’re both stressed and it’s a stressful time, but you’re near the end. Don’t get dragged in, get it signed and delivered, and wait for normality to resume. If you let her niggle you now, or get into an argument, it’s going to get messier, not more ordered.

    All the best.

    #11615 Report

    RobBob
    Participant

    Thanks guys, appreciate it. I just worry about her, Im also worried that daughter starts school soon and we HAVE to work together at some point.

    Ill just have to leave her be, I guess its not up to me to worry about her anymore.

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