Ex in law problems, advice please
27 December 2019 at 10:43 pm #34504
In October my husband and I separated as I found out he had had an affair a year before. We have 2 young children.
I have kept the children my priority throughout, and we are currently in an interim stage with finances which should all be in order by end of Jan, as I needed to sign on to UC, organise my council tax etc, and it should all balance out and he will only pay child support.
He is currently living with his parents and my understanding was that he was paying them rent etc. He has the children alternate weekends and on one weekday night when I am between shifts, and he wants to do this.
On Xmas eve, I messaged his mum to ask if his presents for the kids were to hand for me to collect them as he hadn’t had chance to wrap them and I wanted them to be set up ready in the morning for the kids. I received a lot of abuse over messages about how ‘my poor children are stuck in the middle’ and his parents are ‘sick of it, your poor children’… I said I’m not sure where this has come from and that’s not infact what’s happening. She then said the presents were there, come and collect them.
I asked my mum to come with me and collect the presents as I didn’t want to escalate the situation and be in a position where his parents would try and confront me (they are like this). My mum went to the door, collected the presents and his dad and my mum exchanged words about the situation. What I gather is that they believe I have sorted nothing financially and they haven’t been paid rent, which is what I now believe the issue/anger is. My ex has also clearly not been honest with them about his own finances and the fact that I have juggled bills around in the meantime and reduced his payments where I can within the short space of time.
When I got home I had more abuse from his mum about my mum interfering. In the meantime I have blocked her and deleted her and don’t wish to have contact. It since transpires that they believe my ex is being a pushover and that I’m living a life of luxury… (?!?). These are assumptions based on nothing and his financial position is temporary as I’ve had A LOT of stuff to sort out. Since October I have got a new job working more hours, signed up for what benefits I am entitled to and kept myself together despite all the horrific stress this situation has caused in order to safeguard myself and the children.
I was very upset about this as it was Xmas eve and it caused me a lot of anxiety and upset. At the moment I rely on them for a days childcare in the week and there are times where we have to cross paths however I really don’t want anything to do with them. I also have alternative childcare options on this day, and my preference would be that I go to the other childcare but the kids love their grandparents and I want them to have stability so I am going to leave that as it is.
I don’t know if anyone else has been in a similar situation to me or have any words of wisdom?! I have been nothing but accommodating despite the circumstances. I’m not perfect, I have definitely messaged my ex with rants regarding his affair etc and expressed my anger, but the kids have been kept out of it and I have tried to stay more than civil in their presence.
Where do I go from here though? Am I doing the right things? I am really stressed about it and sad they have this judgement of me which is unjustified. I’m also bitter that I have done nothing to deserve this, and had a shocking first Christmas as a single parent, as not only this but the kids were really unwell which made it all the more stressful.28 December 2019 at 1:54 pm #34529
Thank you for this, really appreciate your response.