Ex in family home?

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    Hi everyone, I’m just looking for some perspective…

    My husband and I have a 4/5 bed home that we own. We’ve recently separated- all my choice- as I realised that I have been suffering emotional/psychological abuse for many many years. We have 3 children together and I have no concerns about his behaviour with them and I’m happy for him to spend time with him, our current arrange is one overnight every week and every other weekend fri-mon. Despite everything that’s happened it’s been relatively amicable but the one thing he won’t submit to is me asking him to allow us to stay in the house .

    He says that because it’s my choice I should be the one that leaves and since I’ve not “paid a penny towards the mortgage” I shouldn’t get a say.

    I’ve offered to stay in the house with the kids (he could stay at his parents’- they have room and spend 90% of their time at their caravan at the seaside)- then when he looks after them I’ve offered to go to my parents’. But he refuses just says no.

    We are currently awaiting social housing as I don’t earn so no choice really. In the mean time we’re all cramped into my elderly parents’ house on camp beds, which obviously puts them out loads. I just can’t help feeling like he’s being unreasonable but unfortunately I don’t think there’s grounds for an occupation order as he hasn’t been physically violent.

    But how do you reason with an abuser?…really hope the housing comes through soon!!!(4-6 month predicted wait).

    #57099 Report


    Hey there,

    I absolutely feel for you because i’ve been through something very similar. I had to call the police for my ex to leave otherwise it would have never happened. A mental abuser can find his way out or lie very easily, as yes, there’s no violence evolved. From what you written, I think you’ve been so brave to actually move your three kids to your parents house to get away from your partner, I can understand how hard it is for you, Mental abuse is so hard to prove, anyone that can do it is very intelligent and usually have always something to say to not look like a bad person. I knew there was something wrong, but it was hard to realise because he would make me think i’m loved and cared for, the next minute after a horrible argument, when it wasn’t exactly like that, so it becomes a vicious cycle that never ends, it will never end if you won’t act.

    I felt bad and wasn’t sure what to do so i would speak to the only people i had, his family, that unfortunately would love him so much that they wouldn’t believe me. When things escalated (like my partner taking my baby love off my arms) the only help i could get was from the police, and well they’ve actually been very understanding, told my ex to get out, since then he hasn’t come back to live here, he lives with his family. They’ve solved my problem in no time and gave me contact to people to talk to about domestic abuse, to help me get on my feet. It can be very hard to take these steps, but well, I think is better than spending you’re life with someone that treats you unfairly. You are so lucky to have family, stick with them as much as you can. And don’t forget, you want the best for your kids, and the best for yourself to keep strong for your kids.

    Loads of love, keep strong,



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