Ex husband telling kids to keep secrets, what do I do?

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  • #44508 Report


    Hi everyone, I’m new here and don’t know what to do. Been divorced about 9 years from emotional, mental and financially controlling ex. He’s up to his old tricks and telling my kids things but then telling them to not tell me about it. I’m not interested in his business at all but I can’t stand how he thinks he can encourage the kids to have secrets from parents.  My boys are 14 and 10 so not young but we’ve been here before with him, many, many times! He even had social services involved and they told him (amongst other things) that he can’t tell his kids to keep secrets. Best of it yet, he’s a police officer!!! He should know better, but he thinks he can do as he pleases. I think there’s no point discussing it with him and it’ll just turn into an argument again and won’t solve anything. He’ll never change his ways! But I’m at a loss as to what to do next. It’s not the secret that was kept, it the principal of the matter.

    any advice on what I should do?
    thanks x

    #44510 Report


    I’m sorry to hear you are going through this and your children.

    I Would ring the NSPCC and see what advice they can give you, with regards to this.

    Hope they can help.

    #44511 Report


    Record every time you find out about secrets. Record it verbatim and keep your record safe. Call him on speakerphone and call him out and record the conversation. If he wants to play games, show him who is in control and you are not going to take his disrespect for yourself or his children any more.

    #44530 Report


    Thank you both for your replies. I called the NSPCC yesterday. I’m currently waiting for a practitioner to call me back which can be a few days. That’s fine, there’s children in desperate need of help out there. I really appreciate you both taking the time to reply to me. I’ll keep a note of what’s happened too. Dates and times etc. Thank you both so much x

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