Ex-husband drama affecting me

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  • #26258 Report


    I split with my ex 3 and a half years ago after I found out he’d been having an affair while I was in and out of hospital with our sick child. This wasn’t the first time he’d been unfaithful, there had been four other cases that I knew about where he’d been texting/pursuing other women (and we’d had breaks in our relationship as a result). He has a narcissistic personality, needs a lot of attention, and was guilty of gaslighting towards the end of the relationship.

    A few weeks after we split (he didn’t want us to split incidentally), I got a text from one of his previous affairs, where she asked me to tell him to back off, as he’d been harassing her, sending d1ck pics etc 🤢. I didn’t get involved. At the weekend I got a Facebook message from another girl, asking me to tell him to back off as they’d had a few dates and he was bothering her.

    Now why these girls think this is my responsibility is beyond me! But that aside, what would you do in this situation? I haven’t yet raised this with my ex, and I’m loathe to because it will feed his attention-seeking, and also I try to keep things as civil as possible. I’m concerned though that this could have any implications for my kids (they’re still very young).

    Would love to hear your thoughts on what you’d do in this situation.

    #26262 Report


    Hi C

    As soon as I read your post one thing come to mind.

    Is your ex playing games with you again?

    Why would you get a text? How does this person have your number?Was the number that the text was sent from visible? Just block that number.

    As for Facebook, do you really need it?



    #26263 Report


    Interesting you should say that, I did consider he had found another perverse way of gaining my attention. The person who contacted me recently was through Facebook. I have no idea how she found me, we have no mutual friends, she lives about 20 miles away, and I am on Facebook in my maiden name. Because of the way Facebook messaging is set up, she doesn’t know I’ve even seen her message so I don’t think she’s likely to message again, or at least I hope not.

    It’s one of the things I’m tempted to address with the ex (how do his random dates know enough about me to be able to track me down on social media) but like I said, I fear it will give him exactly what he craves – more attention.

    I run a business, primarily through Facebook, which requires you to have a personal profile, so I’m not getting rid of that. And anyway, why should I be forced to change the way I live because he has issues?

    I just have no idea how or if to address this.

    #26267 Report


    I’d “grey rock” all of them.  Ignore and block.

    If he’s using them to get to you, then you don’t want to respond. And if they contacted you individually & by coincidence, there is still nothing to be gained by being involved in their dramas.  You’ve been through enough.

    #26268 Report


    Thank you, that’s what I’m thinking too. It’s just nice to hear others’ perspectives.

    This kind of crap just maxes me anxious and all I really want is a drama-free existence!

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