Ex Hassle

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  • #54750 Report



    Im a separated dad with 2 kids and almost been separated a year. My ex and I had a very amicable separation, put a separation agreement in place and have a very good, progressive and constructive relationship now and we do parent well.

    We’ve bother worked extremely hard in therapy separately on ourselves for years and this has helped and benefitted our new context of relationship.

    In saying that the scales are more balanced towards her around the childcare. I’ve reduced hours at work and work full time in a busy job and this is to support in childcare, I pay for things she can’t afford towards household on top of child support which is more than the maintenance calculator and I do so much more extras. I take the kids every weekend and have done odd extras to help her. She only works 2 days a week and has 3 off plus weekends.

    When I am not working in the week I have kids every weekend. We have agreed the school holidays split too.

    I have encountered my first situation since we separated. I want to go visit family and friends I haven’t seen for years in a red listed country where I am from originally for a week and I made a request to her to do this in the summer holidays which she has off entirely with kids bar the weeks I have them and shared weeks. We agreed the weeks who has the kids when but I presented an alternative plan to accommodate me having to self quarantine for 10 days upon return from red list country. I made a massively generous offer on additional financial support to help ease the burden of having kids an extra week in the holidays. And offered to trade on childcare

    My ex has vehemently opposed me doing this with various points made, am I being unreasonable in wanting  to do this?

    #54751 Report



    I thought we should not be travelling to amber/red list countries unless absolutely essential? I have no plans to go abroad at all ever since covid kicked in. will look at going abroad next year. I would suggest you leave it this year.

    #54752 Report


    I think she’s being awkward, you sound like a really good dad, not many of them around.

    I don’t think your plans to travel abroad to see family and friends is unfair at all. It been a very wired year or so and seeing family is what we all need. I’m sure there are many in the UK who have flead to see family and friends as soon as restrictions were lifted, even in “high risk area” with the new variant.
    As long as you take the precautions, 10 days isolation, which you are, I can’t see a problem with it….. sound like she is being a bit selfish.
    im sure she’d have something to say if you told her she couldn’t travel

    #54755 Report


    Might be hard for her if she’s made other arrangements already.And if you have agreements in place  and you say you are co parenting amicably why would you want to mess it up? I’m wondering how ‘massively generous’ your ‘massively generous offer’ of additional finance was….maybe it really is,but no one on here knows both sides of the story so in these situations it would be difficult to judge if your kids mum is being awkward on purpose or not.If she Is being awkward you could offer to take the kids with you.Mbe she just wants to have no responsibilities for a bit like you would be doing on holiday.Surely you want the kids to see your family….could be a win/win situation.Why don’t you just ask her yourself what’s behind it?!🤔

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