My ex has a SHPO (sexual harm prevention order, for downloading illegal porn “accidentally”, non-contact offence) for 7 years (about 5.5 left). He has 2 older children he sees every other weekend and steps were put in place through family court for supervised contact. Ideally I’d like to avoid that. His mum has to supervise the contact now as I’m no longer there to do it.
My problem is he wants firstly to be able to see LO (15.5m) in a ‘public place’ on his own (so far I’ve been accompanying), to get round the fact he’s not able to have him on his own without another adult around. I’m not comfortable with this for so many reasons – what if everyone else leaves? I’ve been in a park before on my own. What if LO hurts himself and needs driving to hospital? Etc etc etc. I’ve contacted his designated police officer for advice and waiting on a call back. Just wondering if any of you have anything to offer?
Secondly, he wants to start having LO overnight. At what age is this OK/ will court insist on it? Ideally I don’t want him having him at all for several reasons (but I know long term this obviously will have to happen) .. LO still breastfed and bed shares with me. Exs mum is a heavy smoker and drinker and also unwell so wouldn’t be able to have baby with her overnight, ex wouldn’t be able to as he’s not allowed, so he’d have to go in a room with his older brothers 5&8 which wouldn’t be ideal for anyone and I’m not sure they could be trusted. Other than that ex would have to sleep downstairs and give LO his room. However how do I know this is happening? Also, when he wakes in the night, who would deal with him? There’s so many ifs and buts and I just feel severely uncomfortable with it.
His mum is severely emotionally abusive, and unfortunately he follows her traits hence why I left. So ideally I’d like to never have baby alone with him or them (they’re constantly at each others throats), but I know this isn’t an option. He keeps telling me this, and basically threatening that he ‘has’ to see him and bullying me into an uncomfortable situation. I don’t want to be the one putting my baby at potential risk, but also I don’t want to be seen as withholding if it ever went to court. I feel like this is not just a simple situation, and I’m not sure what exactly to do or where to go with it. I’d like to keep it as amicable as possible with ex as he has so many issues from his previous ex and her taking him to court, but he’s transferring these on to me and making the situation really hard to manage.
Thank you in advance for reading all this and any advice.