Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum EX CUTTING MY DAUGHTER'S HAIR … ADVICE PLEASE

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  • #22933 Report


    Hi, This is my first post and I’m really after some advice. I cant afford to get legal advice from solicitors as I’m a single parent, who’s financially supporting my child alone. My ex partner has been extremely difficult throughout my daughters life (Currently 2 years old) My daughter lives with me (residence order) and see’s her dad every other weekend Fri – Sunday.

    My ex is very difficult and refuses to communicate with me in regards to our child. He refuses to pay maintenance too, and just likes to have control over everything. He doesn’t like the fact that I have all day to day decisions as she lives with me. He thinks I should ask for his permission about stuff like … having her hair cut (trimmed), taking her to her dentist check up, sending threatening emails to her new nursery ect the list goes on and on.


    My first question though for your help is, If I have residence order stating I am the main carer. Should he be interfering and cutting her hair when I’ve told him not to have her hair cut as I get it done at the hairdressers routinely? Or is this something I could take it to court about to stop him from doing (as well as other things too obviously) I just think he’s doing it to annoy me, which it is, but more importantly it’s messed my poor little girls hair up as she’s got gorgeous curly hair and he’s cut it short on sides but long on top and then short underneath. I’m going to have to take her the hairdressers to sort it out now and unfortunately leave her with really short hair. when it was growing so lovely.

    I forgot to add, She told me herself (without me even mentioning it) that my ex partner (name) cut hair – pointing to her hair… then I just asked my daughter has (name) cut (name) hair? and she replied yes. This is a 2 year old


    Hope you can help 🙁


    #22953 Report


    Does your ex have PR?  If he has, then he has as much right to cut her hair as you do.

    However, if he is cutting her hair deliberately to cause her or you distress, I think you could put a case for that being a form of abuse. I’d take some pictures of her hair before you take her to the hair dresser to sort it out. Keep a record of dates and any threats.

    And for the record, your ex can’t stop you taking her to the dentist as long as you are acting in her interests, like normal check ups. You don’t need to consult him.


    #22959 Report


    Hi, Thanks for your reply. He does have PR now (from the courts) but I feel he is using it by interfering and causing hassle during our day to day routine life, I’m having phone calls every week sometimes twice a week from her nursery ref him sending more emails (threats) because they have told him their main contact is myself (even though he is on the emergency list if I’m unavailable) Lots of others things too that her nursery have told me they’re concerned for my daughter because of his bad behaviour and how its going to effect her. They can see she’s a very happy smiley girl but they’re worried his behaviour as she gets older will effect her. Which I am too. Local auth don’t seem to do anything though about it.

    He is only cutting her hair or infact his girlfriend is as they know it will wind me up big time. Its not been done professional at a hairdressers as its been cut all odd lengths (really short underneath, short on sides heavy on top) family members have said to me what going on with (name) hair, as its usually so beautiful curls. I feel that I have no control to stop him from doing this, but he’s not doing it as a nice trim at all. Also he has never asked if I’ve had her hair trimmed or when she’s due a hair cut so we don’t get it both done close together ect …

    #22964 Report


    It sounds like your ex is trying to get a response from you. So stop reacting.  Don’t give him what he wants.

    Ignore what he does, don’t get into conversations with him. Only respond by text or email, and then only calm & factual, go “grey rock” on him. Hopefully he will get bored.

    If you are the resident parent, you should be the main contact at nursery but your ex should get stuff like educational reports and be on the general mailing list.

    Keep a detailed record of everything, concerns expressed by the nursery, threats made, distress or complaints from your daughter. It will be useful in the future.

    #22967 Report


    Nursery have been very helpful and will be taking the appropriate action on him if he continues.

    Also, Father already has access to her nursery reports too. This is not withheld from him.

    Their main concern is not me or her father its the childs welfare which it should be, and if they have expressed concerns to me regarding her fathers behaviour which will affect our child as she’s growing old, which I do agree with. I am glad that have told me so I have them to back me up if I do need to take this further in the future.

    No we don’t have communication between us at all as he refuses to write in the contact book that the courts order. So I have no information from him when she is returned back from his weekends. This is not the best way to work together for our child’s sake. But obviously if my daughter is telling me someone that is not her parent is cutting her hair… and her hair now looks ridiculous surely I don’t just sit back and let her do this to my daughter? We have already taken a separated parents course before, Which I found useful but it cant work if only one person is willing to work together. So it doesn’t help in my situation unfortunately.

    #57113 Report


    Hi Maxine,
    my story is almost identical to yours!! Can I ask you did you have to go to a proofing for your ex to get contact or was this all agreed through solicitors or child welfare hearings?

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