Ex being difficult

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  JRR-Rob 1 month, 2 weeks ago.

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  • #23485 Report

    JRR-Rob
    Participant

    So me and my sons mum split some time ago, she’s always said that we should cut ties and only contact each other regarding our son, I would have preferred to keep thing amicable for his sake but I can’t force it.

    She’s been difficult on a numerous of subjects but I always knew where I stood, this new one is a grey area for me.

    Last night she decided she want to talk about some difficulties her friend is having, bear in mind this is my weekend with my son and it was 11pm, I told her I would help via message until I fell asleep but I wasn’t a available for a call because I needed to go to sleep for when he woke up. To which I was met with a tirade of abuse, her aunt and uncle take care of him during the week while we work, last night she has now decided I can no longer pick my son up or drop him off at her house it has to be at theirs, their house is a much further journey for me and I don’t think it’s good for my son to be sent there by her for me to pick him up then to be dropped off back there it’s just not normal.

    Any advice?

    #23889 Report

    DesperateDad
    Participant

    Was it just coincidence that this new arrangement has been made or do you think it’s because you weren’t willing to speak to her on the phone!

    Has she said why, this has to change?

    #23899 Report

    SOLOMUMMY
    Participant

    How much further is the journey?

    Does it cost you more than £10 to get there and back? Do you pay maintenence? Via an informal agreement or the cms?

    I wouldn’t say it again unreasonable if that’s where your son will be in the week. How old is he? Why don’t you have responsibility for him during the week? I dot  get why any parents would do this tbh when there are two of you and surely you could juggle things like most parents do? Is it her decision?

    #23953 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    It sounds like an excuse to me. If your son spends a lot of time at her aunt’s house, and now she wants you to do drop offs or pick ups there, it sounds like she is going to be around less or she is trying to hide something from you. New boyfriend? Lodger? For sale sign?

    Stay calm, Don’t rise, just do as she asks, although deduct the cost of fuel if it is more than £10. It involves more work for her, to go and collect him than have him dropped off at hers, so either she will calm down and change her mind, or things will become clear shortly.

    #25968 Report

    JRR-Rob
    Participant

    Sorry for the late reply to this, lots has been going off

    @desperatedad She said it’s because she thinks it would confuse him seeing us talking which personally I think is ridiculous, it would be better for him to see us getting along in a civil manner, she since neglected to invite me to his 2nd birthday meal for the same reason so I missed out on his “party” for his birthday this year.

    @solomummy It doesn’t cost me more than £10 to get there and back, I do pay maintenance, quite a substantial amount due to my salary which we have agreed through an informal agreement rather than going through the CMS. My son is 2, I don’t have contact with him during the week because of my job, I work away Monday to Friday so am only at home at weekends, I have him Friday evening to Sunday evening one week then the following week I have him Sunday for 5 hours while she is at work, I can’t have him any longer than that because she wants to spend time with him when she finishes work and I can’t pick him up any earlier because I’d have to be up at 5am in order to do that so I have him 10am-3pm. That arrangement worked fine for me dropping him off at her house because it’s simple to get to, 1 junction down the motorway takes me 10 minutes to get him home, means i have more time with him because I can set off later, to take him to her Aunt I would have to leave sooner to get him there on time which eats into our quality time together. Plus I believe it would be more harmful to him never seeing us being civil than if I took him home and handed him over to her.

    @Kathymumofone I thought the same myself about her hiding something because I’ve had plenty of people telling me she is seeing someone new however she denies that and in the past she has also mentioned moving away elsewhere in the UK which is around a 3 hour drive from where we currently live so wondered if it may be a for sale sign, but I’ve been down her street recently and nothing is up. I feel like it’s just another way to try and get under my skin, every so often when I think things are going smoothly and things are settled she’ll come out of nowhere and try to throw a spanner in the works. She knows I suffer from anxiety and am doing very well at managing it nowadays but always knows how to trigger it and it’s always a weekend where my son is at my house, it’s never when I don’t have him. It’s like she purposely does it to put me into a bad mood when he’s with me meaning our time together is spoiled.

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