End of a Dream… Now a nightmare :(

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Missy21 23 hours, 41 minutes ago.

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  • #30337 Report

    IanB1979
    Participant

    Ok…

    So back in February, my partner of 14 (and a bit years) advised me that she was “trying to love me”, things escalated and she moved out with my children at the end of May.

    Two weeks prior to this I gave her £11,600 which was money from me selling “My” house (she wasn’t on the mortgage) and I sold up so that we could clear all our debts then hopefully look at buying another house within the next 12 / 24 months.

    So anyhow, she moves out and we have an agreement that I get the kids every Thursday night (whilst shes at work) and every other Friday / Saturday night depending on her weekend in work, this then changed to a Monday night (rather than a Thursday), which isnt ideal for me.. but I get to spend time with my children.  I suggested we went for mediation / counselling to help us resolve our issues or to go out just me and her so that we could sit down and talk without the kids hanging onto every word… but this fell on deaf ears 🙁

    So now its escalated to the point that she has a new man… apparently she’s known him a “Few” weeks and he’s been around whilst the kids were at mine (I disagree with her for moving so soon… call me jealous or cautious, but I am not comfortable with a man she hardly knows knowing she lives there alone with my 2 children)… THEN… to make matters worse I find out that this “Man” was allowed to take my son to B&M ALONE 🙁 (she was also flirting and texting a man who had been to jail for fraud – claiming he had terminal cancer when he didnt)

    She’s now decided that she wants to go down the CMS / CSA route to get money off me towards the children’s upkeep.  I totally understand that yes I need to provide for my children and have every intention of doing so… BUT… Im currently living in a house I can barely afford (family home on 1 wage) and still have a few months of my lease to run.  Once I move, I am hopeful of a saving of approx £250 a month that yes, I can then afford to offer a regular payment towards things that the children need.

    Please could somebody tell me that things get easier, could somebody please assure me that one day she may listen to reason instead of constantly turning the knife and playing with my emotions and mind set?  I feel like her family are vilifying me for the fact I genuinely only wanted the best for me and my family.

    What happened to the days when people tried to fix things instead of throwing them away so easily….. its sad that I still love her and know that if she was as open as me with her thoughts and emotions we could actually make headroom for the sake of the children, instead of breeding more hatred and resentment.

    #30343 Report

    ChasingHappiness
    Participant

    This sounds really difficult. I hate to say it, but it sounds to me like she has well and truly moved on. If she is thinking of applying to CMS for maintenance, chances are she will go ahead and it whether you like it or not, so my advice would be to move out ASAP and set yourself up a new home. A fresh start. She wasn’t the one for you… painful as it is to accept that. Time for you to move on now and build a solid, comfortable home and life for you and your kids.

    I haven’t found it gets easier yet… but I live in hope 🤞🏻

    Hope things work out for you.

    #30346 Report

    Lorraine123
    Participant

    Hi. I’m sorry you’re going through a difficult time. I agree she seems to have moved on very quickly and personally I think you need time between relationships but this is her decision. I think it’s understandable that you’re not comfortable with another man who you don’t know taking your child out and I would feel exactly the same. Unfortunately your ex thinks this is fine and as you are both parents you have to accept her decision that this is ok. I think you have to allow it unless you feel that your child is in danger, safety is the priority. It’s not easy. It’s a shame she wouldn’t try counselling as I’m sure it would have been useful. This is all still new and all the change is very emotional. Things will improve once you’ve moved and settled into a routine. Sadly I think there’s always going to be decisions that you won’t both agree on but you need to put feelings of hurt to one side and focus on what is best for your children. I’ve been on my own for 18 mths after being together for 18 years and it does get easier. It won’t feel like it now but you’ll get there. Take care

    #30350 Report

    Missy21
    Participant

    I know how you feel. The only differences are my husband’s moved quickly on to a mutual ‘friend’, which in his eyes makes it ok as the children already know her. But in their eyes this makes it worse, & they refuse to see her or go to her house, which means he now rarely sees them as he’s just lost his job so can’t afford to drive down here (over an hour each way) to see them or do school runs etc.

    Apparently it gets better. I’m hoping this is true. In the meantime, vent to good friends when you need to; mine are keeping me going.

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