Emotionally abusive ex
12 January 2020 at 7:14 am #35392
I am separated (6 weeks ago), but still living with ex as he is refusing to leave. He is emotionally abusive and constantly gaslights me. He is trying to drive me out of the property (we both jointly own) and frame me as the controlling one. When I’m fact he is controlling every aspect of my life. He restricts my access to the car and the computer which is where I need to work from. He constantly says ‘well that’s just not true’ regarding anything I say, which makes me question my own sanity. He has made threats (with no evidence) of me being an unfit mother. It’s hell. I am hoping that we will have a mediation appointment this week, so have been holding on to that. But I’m worried I won’t be able to cope much longer. I’ve been putting up with it for the sake of the children. Can I take the children to live with me at my parents house? I don’t think this environment is good for them & it goes to court I fear it would be a long time. (He has parental responsibility).12 January 2020 at 9:44 am #35396
Well done for posting.
Sadly, I am only too familiar with this situation. Nearly a decade on I am sitting in a calm home, far away from ex. We still have our issues but your post reminds me of the hell we went through and so I’m glad i’m reading it this morning and able to say something.
Yes, the short answer is, you can go and live with your parents, all else can be sorted out later, your health is a priority. However, you may not want to do this and there are other options. Three being namely, go to a women’s refuge with your kids where there will be professional support in addition to your family. People think they are always scruffy horrible places, but some nowadays have self-contained flats etc. Talk to women’s aid, google it and also post not using your name on the survivors forum.
I’m not going to talk about the other steps – because you will be needing to take things one step at a time.
The most important thing to remember right now is not to tell your ex you are wanting to leave. This is for safety reasons as abuse, emotional, physical or any other which way tends to get worse with time, but situation can be dangerous just before you leave.
Thinking of you. You can do this. Yes, it is a long road, but also a much brighter future for you and your kids.
jj12 January 2020 at 12:47 pm #35409
Hi, I have been in a similar situation, however we didn’t own a house together. He was horrible to me, I would say you can take the kids to your mums and stay for a bit yes. As long as you inform your ex you’re doing that so he can’t accuse you of anything. I hope you’re ok and it all works out for you soon ❤️12 January 2020 at 1:53 pm #35412
Cbeck back with Women’s Aid. Of course they will tell you not to tell your ex on any account. There is no necessity to do so. Don’t want to get into an argument about it. But that is the advice they will give you1
jj13 January 2020 at 10:19 am #35445
I’m one of the moderators here at Gingerbread and its great that other parents here are able to provide you with support. Just so you are aware, I’ll be sending you a private message with some further signposting options.
Kind regards, Justine13 January 2020 at 3:38 pm #35451
Thank You everyone for your replies and tips. It’s really helped and is reassuring that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for short reply – I’m just very tired and drained x13 January 2020 at 4:37 pm #35455
hope you get a chance to put your feet up hon.
chances as single parent I know few and far between.
jj x15 January 2020 at 8:38 pm #35593
Get all the support you can, friends, family (you will need as much as you can get) and leave as soon as you can. Good luck, you deserve much better than this.15 January 2020 at 8:52 pm #35595
Wow, I could have written your post myself! I deeply sympathise with you and your situation.
I would advise you to look into non-molestation and occupation orders.
Good luck.16 January 2020 at 9:14 am #35614
Thank You everyone.
I am looking into rented accommodation for me and the girls. A bit fearful about leaving though and if he will play by rules of contact with the girls.
He will get the big house to himself whilst I & 2 children have to move. But the environment isn’t right for anyone and I just want to get on and heal!
Thank you all so much x21 February 2020 at 7:15 pm #36950
Just an update that I and my children left 6 weeks ago as things escalated. We are safe and at my parents house and going through the courts for an occupation order. It’s a very very stressful time and friends seem to have disappeared! Not all but some- found that hard x21 February 2020 at 10:23 pm #36960
I am so sorry you are going through this. I haven’t gone through what you have but I just wanted to say that the times I have gone through you lose friends but you make new on your journey. I really hope you find peace and happiness soon. You find strength within. Take care xx30 May 2020 at 10:17 pm #40511
Thank You so much for tour kind words! It helps. Xx