Emotionally abusive ex

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This topic contains 9 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by  pocketfullofrainbows 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #35392 Report

    Hello,

    I am separated (6 weeks ago),  but still living with ex as he is refusing to leave. He is emotionally abusive and constantly gaslights me. He is trying to drive me out of the property (we both jointly own) and frame me as the controlling one. When I’m fact he is controlling every aspect of my life. He restricts my access to the car and the computer which is where I need to work from. He constantly says ‘well that’s just not true’ regarding anything I say, which makes me question my own sanity. He has  made threats (with no evidence) of me being an unfit mother. It’s  hell. I am hoping that we will have a mediation appointment this week, so have been holding on to that. But I’m worried I won’t be able to cope much longer. I’ve been putting up with it for the sake of the children. Can I take the children to live with me at my parents house? I don’t think this environment is good for them & it goes to court I fear it would be a long time.  (He has parental responsibility).

    #35396 Report

    Anonymous

    Well done for posting.

    Sadly, I am only too familiar with this situation. Nearly a decade on I am sitting in a calm home, far away from ex. We still have our issues but your post reminds me of the hell we went through and so I’m glad i’m reading it this morning and able to say something.

    Yes, the short answer is, you can go and live with your parents, all else can be sorted out later, your health is a priority. However, you may not want to do this and there are other options. Three being namely, go to a women’s refuge with your kids where there will be professional support in addition to your family. People think they are always scruffy horrible places, but some nowadays have self-contained flats etc. Talk to women’s aid, google it and also post not using your name on the survivors forum.

    I’m not going to talk about the other steps – because you will be needing to take things one step at a time.

    The most important thing to remember right now is not to tell your ex you are wanting to leave. This is for safety reasons as abuse, emotional, physical or any other which way tends to get worse with time, but situation can be dangerous just before you leave.

    Thinking of you. You can do this. Yes, it is a long road, but also a much brighter future for you and your kids.

    jj

    #35409 Report

    Krisann
    Participant

    Hi, I have been in a similar situation, however we didn’t own a house together. He was horrible to me, I would say you can take the kids to your mums and stay for a bit yes. As long as you inform your ex you’re doing that so he can’t accuse you of anything. I hope you’re ok and it all works out for you soon ❤️

    #35412 Report

    Anonymous

    Cbeck back with Women’s Aid. Of course they will tell you not to tell your ex on any account. There is no necessity to do so. Don’t want to get into an argument about it. But that is the advice they will give you1

    all best

    jj

    #35445 Report

    Hi Pocketfullofrainbows

    I’m one of the moderators here at Gingerbread and its great that other parents here are able to provide you with support.  Just so you are aware, I’ll be sending you a private message with some further signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

    #35451 Report

    Thank You everyone for your replies and tips. It’s really helped and is reassuring that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sorry for short reply – I’m just very tired and drained x

    #35455 Report

    Anonymous

    hope you get  a chance to put your feet up hon.

    chances as single parent I know few and far between.

    all best

    jj x

    #35593 Report

    Karenspangle
    Participant

    Get all the support you can, friends, family (you will need as much as you can get) and leave as soon as you can. Good luck, you deserve much better than this.

    #35595 Report

    mummyto2
    Participant

    Wow, I could have written your post myself!  I deeply sympathise with you and your situation.

    I would advise you to look into non-molestation and occupation orders.

    Good luck.

    #35614 Report

    Thank You everyone.

    I am looking into rented accommodation for me and the girls. A bit fearful about leaving though and if he will play by rules of contact with the girls.

     

    He will get the big house to himself whilst I & 2 children have to move. But the environment isn’t right for anyone and I just want to get on and heal!

    Thank you all so much x

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