Emotionally abusive ex

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  • #35622 Report

    Dotty50
    Participant

    Hi I have had an on n off relationship with my ex parterner for a long time now we have 2 young children together I have sole custody of them both I too have 2 older children dif dad…when I first got with this man he was lovely but I had a dog many years bk he didnt Like her as he felt reminder of ex he hurt her for months I tried to stop it I did try to leave but it was a very difficult situation no one wud get it he made me anx my 2 girls at the time get rid of her it was horrible it affected my one daughter he spat at me a few times smashed my house up kn the past said nasty things this led up to me going onto a hostle it went to court he got a slap on the wrist I after a while got bk with him a few times but broke up again because he was just as nasty but now I have a 5 yes restraining order but hes pleading with me to let him see the kids threatening to kill himself slating me on social media and sending me horrible msgs I just dont know what to do because I donot want to stop him seeing the kids…I must say he is not nasty to his own children he wouldnt hurt the children I just donot know what to do can anyone help

    #35644 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Firstly if your ex claims to be suicidal, that is not your fault or your responsibility. It is standard emotional blackmail and a vile thing for him to do. Report his state of mind to the police so they can do a wellness check and then IGNORE him.

    You have a 5 year restraining order. The court granted that for a reason. If the order allows him to see his kids, then email him, offering contact via a contact centre, or in a public place with a trusted third party present.

    If the restraining order says he shouldn’t see his children, then pass his threats to the police, and then block him on email, phone, social media. Please don’t put yourself or your kids at risk. You have the chance to be rid of him for good.

    #35660 Report

    Lola
    Moderator

     

     

    Hi Dotty50

    You may wish to ring the Women’s Aid domestic violence helpline for support  on 0808 2000 247

     

    #35891 Report

    Spekledhen
    Participant

    Thankyou kathymumofone the restraining order stops him having contact with me but it’s very difficult when I have my daughter on occasions asking to see him as shes a kid she dont understand my sons not so bothered….a couple weeks ago when I decided to not b with him because I didnt feel he would get any better i still took my kids to see him but he didnt want to let us up to his flat so we left and i emailed him the one night to call children and ge didnt and the only time he responded was when he needed a tenner for fags n that I was leaving him with nothing so after this I stopped all contact then I saw he took money from my bank for his ps4 I didnt even realise he had my card details then he sent me a number if emails again after that that were vile and at the same time telling me he wants to see the kids every Saturday at his I’m just so stuck emotionally regarding the kids…I have contacted womens aid before but they didnt help me how I thought they would unfortunately

    #35994 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    I’ve not seen my ex since 2011.

    At first that tormented me more than not having my kids full time.

    I reported him missing to two sets of police and was hugely concerned for his well being. Which is crazy because he could have killed me with the type of violence he inflicted on me whilst we was in a relationship. But i suppose thats the severance.

    The emotional abuse you speak of is all part of the seperation, severance and redevelopment period. Nothings ever straight forward when you take those steps to leave.

    Like what lola said make sure your safe. Work with womens aid, community mental health services and the police. Make sure there aware of your concerns. Let the school know aswell.

    Keep going. Be strong

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