Eldest wants to live with Dad

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    Hi all.

    I’m new to this so please bare with me!

    I’ve literally just searched google for a forum about parenting/single parents.

    I have a 13 year old daughter and a 9 year old son. Both have the same Dad. Me and their Dad have been separated now for 7.5 years. Both have new partners and have been with them for 5-6 years.

    We have a childcare routine in place and that is that he will have them overnight one night during the week and then will have them every other weekend Friday until Sunday.

    This routine has been in place for a long time now.

    My eldest has mentioned before and again recently how she doesn’t want to live with us anymore and wants to move in permanently with her Dad.

    The whole idea of this makes my tummy turn. She’s my eldest daughter and I feel like I’m losing her.

    I’ve explained to her how moving out completely just isn’t an option but perhaps we could arrange for something else to happen instead. Perhaps every weekend instead of every other weekend.

    It makes me so upset to think she doesn’t want to be part of our home.

    I do understand however that she wants to be with her Dad more often. But, her reasons for wanting to leave have nothing to do with that at all.

    She says she’s happier there because she is allowed to stay up until whatever time she likes. She is allowed to eat in her bedroom. He allows her to watch movies or a series on TV rated 15 or 18. She feels more like a “grown up” there.

    In our house I send them up to bed at 20:30 but she is allowed to stay up until 21:00. We have rule that at 18:30 we all come off phones/laptops/consoles so we can have time together, like watch a movie or play a board game.

    Am I too harsh? Do you have rules??

    I feel like I’m in a really tough situation because ultimately I want my daughter to be happy but also, don’t agree with her reasons for wanting to leave.

    My son is also quite upset about all of this and just wants things to stay as they are.

    I guess I would just like to know what you might do in this situation.

    My partner is almost impossible to talk to about this. He doesn’t have children of his own and I’m not sure he quite understands her feelings and has just told me to ignore it. But, I can’t, and honestly don’t want to. Her happiness is important.


    #37069 Report



    i completely understand how worried you’d feel. I feel the same. There’s another thread on here somewhere where someone is saying the same and it’s the same reasons – less rules at dad’s house. I’ve no solutions but maybe you could chat with the person on that thread at least for some moral support.

    sorry I’m short on time and can’t find the link to it.
    hope it gets sorted for you

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