early stages of separation

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  • #11099 Report

    Tess
    Participant

    at the very early stages of separation and need advice. me and my husband both work full time and we’ve got two children, one aged 6 and the other aged 2. one in school full time and the other creche 25 hours a week which is funded and we get a small amount of tax credit top up.

    i have no idea where to start in terms of doing what’s best, whether i plan to move out with the children or if i am better off trying to stay where we are. although we are in a two bedroom flat at the moment with no garden so maybe a good opportunity to move. we own the flat but it’s in my name as i bought it before i got married.

    any advice on a good place to start and any entitlementsi may be able to claim. i have no idea.

    #11101 Report

    Kjm
    Participant

    Hello Tess

    I don’t have any advice because I am in a similar situation but my x owns the house and won’t move out ,

    i  hope it all works out and I look forward to reading people advice on here xx

     

    #11106 Report

    Tess
    Participant

    it’s a nightmare having to live under the same roof while separating. my mental health is affected anyway. i know my husband won’t move from here. he’s said so much when we have been here so many times in the past. i am exhausted, it’s a constant battle.

    holding onto the thought of happier days for me and the children 😢

    #11109 Report

    AJ
    Participant

    Hi

    Sorry that you find yourself in this position but just want to reiterate what Anonymous says about not moving out until you get financial advice.

    I bought our house before we married with the help of my parents and the mortgage has always been in my name. (Partly as my husband was bankrupt) We then had a small extension built and made improvements to the house which were paid for by an inheritance from my grandma. All the physical work that has been done to the house has been done by me and my dad. My ex husband never painted a wall or mowed the lawn even. His only contribution was a proportion of the mortgage for the years that we both lived here. But because we had been married for a few years, the solicitor said my ex would be entitled to half the proceeds from the sale of the house including half of the deposit I paid when I bought it. The fact that I own the house, have put all my money into it etc means nothing. That nearly broke me more than his affair that led us to separating in the first place. I was so close to my grandma and had thought I was doing the best thing by putting her money into creating a nice home for my daughter who she adored. Fortunately, with the help of a decent solicitor, we’ve come up with an agreement which hopefully means I can keep the house (and a roof over my daughter’s head). But the moral of the story is; just because you bought your home before you married, paid the mortgage for x amount of years etc, doesn’t mean that you will get to keep it in a divorce.

    It sounds really mercenary and it’s very tough but don’t budge, till you know how the assets will be divided if you have to sell the flat.

    I know it probably feels like it’ll never end and never get better but it will. It’s just over 6 months since we split and life is finally starting to settle down and life is looking up for me and my daughter.

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