Early separation and trying to cope

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  • #19179 Report

    Redgrave1973
    Participant

    Hi all

    i Am going through the very early stages of separation after 16 year relationship and marriage

    although things hadn’t been great I always thought we could reconcile but he believes we have gone past this

    i feel such a failure, extremely sad , loss of appetite and failure to sleep

    i do have close friends and family but as they are al in happy relationships I still have a feeling of being totally alone

    does it get better??

     

     

     

    #19180 Report

    hettyboo
    Participant

    Hi there, yes it does get better – I remember laying in bed with a dreadful hollow pain in my stomach, my heart felt empty and I was scared of how to cope with the children on my own and it felt like it would go on forever. Gradually, the weeks and months passed, a whole load of grief with solicitors and I had to move house twice with three kids alone BUT It does get better and it does get easier if you believe in yourself and how amazing you are. You can do this 🙂 I did, you can too x

    #19183 Report

    Redgrave45
    Participant

    That’s good to hear and it does sound like you went through a great deal.  I haven’t eaten much over last 3-4 days and already know I’ve lost weight so a friend is taking me to see a doctor.  Like you say its the hollow feeling that won’t go away that removes any appetite and stops you sleeping.  It doesn’t help that we work at the same establishment which is causing me more worry although I am at home at present. He hasn’t moved out of the family home and my friends tell me I need to ask him to leave otherwise I won’t improve, its just so hard and know if will be a final goodbye.

    #19192 Report

    loopy
    Participant

    I completely understand how you are feeling, my husband announced new years day that he is filing for divorce, he has since moved in with his mum but regularly contacts my eldest son checking up on everything. He is manipulating my son and trying to turn him against me, im just worried that he will take both my boys from me, He is very clever at manipulating things and making me feel that i have gone crazy. He has all control over the money and is sole name on home mortgage

    #19211 Report

    Brube70
    Participant

    Hi

    I am two months further along than you and know exactly what you are feeling

    Feel free to PM me I know exactly what you are going through x

    #19212 Report

    Redgrave1973
    Participant

    Hi Lynda,  I do feel for you, its horrible when parents bring the kids into it, I have a 23 year old son and 21 year old daughter from a previous marriage (god now two marriages down!) and a 14 year old son from my marriage to partner I’m separating with now.  I’m 45 and I feel over the hill when my husband is only 38.

    You need to stay strong and not let his manipulation of your son affect you.  Speak honestly with your boys and don’t “bad mouth” your husband in front of them, I made this mistake the first time round and would never do it again.  If you stay as sane as you possibly can you can get through this.  I would definitely talk to Citizens Advice to explain the situation there is the option to speak to a solicitor there for half an hour (free) they are very clued up on legal matters.

    I’ve booked to see a solicitor next week – im getting pushed this end to get the wheels in motion!  Its just so gut wrenching, I feel like a withered old woman atm.

    #19320 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    I am in a similar situation and readily struggle to eat and sleep.

    my wife has left me and says she doesn’t feel the same anymore although I am still in love with her.

    i wish there was people in this forum who could meet up as I feel I need to talk face to face with people going through the same horrible thing.

    I have posted this in other posts!

    feel so lonely and down 🙁

    #19336 Report

    Redgrave1973
    Participant

    Hi Alan

    its a daily struggle but I do believe it’s gets slightly easier day by day

    there are going to be days that are going to be worse than others but talking about it certainly helps, although like you said, speaking to other people in the same position I agree would help enormously.

    i suppose we are all over the UK, I for one am a southern lass from Bournemouth.

    Maybe we need to organise a mass meet somewhere central for everyone although I suppose realistically it couldn’t be as regular as a lot of people would like.

    i hope things improve with you and don’t feel bad if you just want to blub, I regularly have these days

    Salli

    #19339 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    Hi, appreciate the reply, maybe I’ll go to my GP as they may know a group or something?

    If anyone else reads this and is in London or Essex I would love to meet up as it would really help

    #19345 Report

    Louis
    Participant

    Hi  My wife left after 28 years together  and five children  for  a 21 year old. That was a year ago. It does get better. Just take one day at a time you will have good and bad days, you will go through every emotion but try to keep strong for your children.

    I work from home  so after the school runs it was a lonely existence, some times I went to the shop to buy something I didn’t need just to talk to someone.

    After a few months you get back to some normality, the children are doing well, the school and teachers were brilliant, and  at 55 I feel a new chapter of my life is about to begin. I plucked up the courage to call in a café for a drink each morning on the way home from school, within a short space of time ive made 3 good friends. Things don’t get better overnight but I can honestly say now I feel content, its bloody hard work being a single parent but so rewarding.

    If you need a chat Im happy to, people on this site were and are a lifeline to me.

    Take care Alan

    #19394 Report

    Hi all

    Its good to see you all supporting each other here.  Don’t forget that as well as the forum, Gingerbread has friendship groups across the UK.  Here is the link for the page.  https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/community/single-parent-groups/groups/  Put in your area and see which group is the nearest.  If there is no group, how about starting one yourself.  I’d be happy to support you with this.

    Thanks

    Justine

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