Dumped after telling him I am pregnant

[Emmie861]

Alipally – sorry to hear you have also gone through something similar! Hearing from you and others I think I am starting to realise I am better off on my own and can put my full focus on to this little one! I’m so excited yet so scared but I know it will be the most amazing moment of my life and It keeps me going knowing in a few.months I will hold this little one in my arms! Merry Christmas x

[Loulou23]

Literally who gives a s*** what him and his family think. Are they helping you now when you’re homeless? Are they gonna be doing the night feeds? Hell no.

Ignore him and if if you have to block him. If he is gonna be a good dad then he’s got enough time to step up and prove himself but at the moment he is not.

‘Time is a healer’ so if you loose contact now and do boss this by yourself you’re gonna be amazing. All he contributes is hassle that you don’t need.

Also beware when the baby does arrive cause that’s when everyone crawls out of the wood works trying to make them selves feel like good people with their overwhelming affection and empty promises.

 

I know now it’s easy for us to tell you but honestly you’ve got this don’t ever doubt yourself!! Xxx

[Victoria]

I’m sorry you are going through all that, I would see if you can get his parents / him to agree to some support urgently in that case. Pointing out that stress and a poor diet will do no good for the baby. It really does not matter what they think, if they “kick off” seriously while you are pregnant / at all then they are also irresponsible and maybe best out of your lives anyway  – he  is not behaving responsibly. I have an ex that still does that not getting back to you for weeks thing a decade after leaving so getting things sorted out legally and financially will save a lot of hassle in the long run. Hope you are having a really Happy Christmas! We forgot to defrost the chicken and it is tight financially but otherwise it has been happy thank you.

[Sandra-pj]

My baby is now 13 days old and I left his father after I found out he was married and not available, as he claimed when I met him. The shock was massive for me and I had to go on meds and lots of support from the midwives. The day I gave birth to my son, I could see from the hospital window his house. I was really sad. In the beginning it was tough and still is sometimes. My family and friends have been amazing. Reading others experiences in here and learning how to cope using different strategies have helped me too. Time is the best med in combination with positive thinking. One step at the time. I wish all single parents get everything the wish in the new year.

[LizzieO1]

Hi everyone,

I realise this is a few months old, however I’m looking to see how you all are now and if things have improved or changed?

my ex walked out on me when I was 15 weeks pregnant. He hasn’t spoken to me since that was 7 weeks ago and now I’m 22 weeks pregnant.

I get stronger everyday, but I worry about what will happen when baby decides to make an appearance, will he expect me to let him be there for the birth even though he hasn’t been present for 90% of my pregnancy, hasn’t attended any scans or appointments with me, hasn’t even asked how baby is. Will he want to be part of baby’s life again even after not being there throughout my pregnancy?

I don’t know what I should do? Like I said, I know I can do this by myself with the support of my family and friends, but I’m scared of the unknown of his potential actions as he hasn’t said, indicated or mentioned anything

lizzie x

[Emmie861]

Hey Lizzie! So an update! My beautiful daughter is now 5 months old and my ex still hasn’t seen her, I didn’t hear from him for 4 months and then he phoned me 2 days before my due date which caused me great stress. When the baby was born I sent him a photo and her name (which is my surname) he started messaging all the right things but his actions have not shown any of this, he wanted to go through the CSA so he is paying, I also registered her but I didn’t put him on the certificate, in my eyes he doesn’t deserve any rights until he steps up, then he can happily be added on! I moved back home about 80 miles away so I understand it’s not easy for him to pop over but he could of by now if he really wanted to! I also didn’t hear from his mum in a year and she has just popped up asking for a photo, I want to tell you it gets easier but the pain is still there from being let down, but it instantly goes away once you look at your baby, remember this is YOUR BABY, you owe him nothing if he hasn’t been there for.you or asked after you, my ex has still never once asked how I am or even his daughter only says ‘ hope your well’ , I will never stop them seeing her but it will be on my terms and they have alot of bridges to build, you will be an amazing mother and instantly you will feel fearless and strong and do what’s right, obviously there are hard day’s I’m a single mum and live alone, but I’m trying to join every class I can etc and it will be even easier once lockdown and covid is over. You have this ok! Don’t let him ever make you do anything you don’t want to. Em

 

[Emmie861]

I hope you get everything you wish for too Sandra! 💗

[Emmie861]

His family have also turned things and said Ive made things difficult, the cheek of it! I’m not wasting my energy on them, My daughter deserves all my good energy, they tainted my pregnancy I won’t let them taint my future

[RM]

Hello,

I’m shocked to read so many other women are going or have also been through this.

I am going through a similar experience and I think not adding them on the birth certificate is a wise thing to do but, If we do not add the biological father on the birth certificate is he still obligated to pay child maintenance?

thank you,

r

[Emmie861]

Hi RenaMarko

The only way they would get out of paying CSA if they are not on the birth certificate is if they say they are not the father, my ex isn’t on the birth certificate but he hasn’t even ever mentioned it and wanted to go through the CSA to make it ‘fair’ he then tried to lie and say they told him to pay me direct and a tiny amount, I said I don’t believe you and made an application to the CSA, they went through all his wage slips and made him pay more then he was offering, i still don’t understand why he wants to pay for his daughter when in 6 months he hasn’t even made the effort to come and see her, I reckon it’s so when she is older he can say ‘i paid’ even though it’s nothing compared to what I spend each month. Sorry to hear you are going through something similar. Em

 

[RM]

Thank you so much, this is very helpful. good luck to everyone who is going through this

[Robyn123]

So sorry to hear about others in this situation but nice to know we are not alone. Me and my husband went through fertility treatment to have our baby who is 5 months old. We have been together 15 years.

The day after I found out I was pregnant he didn’t come home after a night out and he was never the same with me again since. He slowly pushed me away, stopped sleeping in our bed, working a crazy amount of extra hours in the police. He has been no support to me throughout the pregnancy or after having our baby.

 

I have recently found out he has been going to a female colleague’s house to talk after work at all hours but telling me he is still at work and has kissed her. I still wanted to work at things but he said he has lost feelings for me and has walked out on me and our baby, I’m devastated.

I feel like ill never get over him as I love him so much and I’m just trying to accept his decision. Its just so hard isn’t it and I too feel like I’m just moaning all of the time but its hard not to feel down!

[LizzieO1]

Hey!

I hope everyone is well, it’s sad we’re all in this situation, but also strangely nice knowing we’re not the only ones.

My ex partner is also a police officer – seems they are the worse. Like above he has found comfort in another officer. It’s so sad knowing they can do that when they have everything and more at home.

I loved him so much, I thought he was my soulmate, my forever. But to be able to do what he has done to me whilst pregnant is unforgivable. He won’t talk to me or see me. Not even via text messages and I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to know how my pregnancy is going.

Im currently 25 weeks and he hasn’t been present since 15 weeks, I’ve received not one single message, he hasn’t even gone through a family or friend to find anything out.

My question is, how does everyone cope? How do you move on and become stronger? Do you think he’ll ever grow up?

[Rmc]

Wow I needed to see this post, I’ve just found out im very early stages around 2-3 weeks  i told my partner of 8 months im pregnant and he’s ended it an said he will have nothing to do with me or the baby if I keep “it” im so lost and upset and so unsure of what to do i thought I definitely wanted to have the baby with or without him but then I get wobbles where I think can I really do this. I have a 5 year old from a previous relationship and he has a 3 year old and a 21 year old

[RM]

I’d suggest you look up reproductive coercion, this is when a ‘partner’ pushes you to have an abortion or have a baby. apparently 1 in 4 women are going through that and this behaviour is part of it, ie if you do not do what I want, you do not have my support. This is a way to push you to get rid of it therefore it is reproductive coercion. These guys had the option to have protected sex and they did not, what happens after a woman is pregnant is on her 100% because it is our body therefore our choice, and whatever we decide we are the ones that have to deal with it, either if this is an abortion or to keep the baby.  Someone’s 10 seconds of pleasure should not be more of a priority than what we have to face. Now, if with the child maintenance you can raise the child – and it will be impossible for him not to pay that – and you can support the kid in all other ways then i would suggest do not add him to the birth certificate and go for it.

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