Dumped after telling him I am pregnant

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This topic contains 19 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 3 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 19 total)
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  • #33741 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    Hi I am new to this site but wanted to see if anyone is going through anything similar or has been through it in the past. I am 29 years old and 3 months pregnant, I told my then partner if a year and a half that i was pregnant at 3 weeks…his reaction…he dumped me by text 2 days later, didnt even come to see me. In 6 weeks he has not even asked how I have been feeling, he said he will support the baby 100% but doesnt want the commitment of the relationship. I’m fine that he doesnt want to be with me but I am so hurt and angry at how he ended it and has left me to deal, I am now trying to find accommodation as I am currently in shared housing (while he at 33 still lives at home). He even kicked off as I dont want him in labour with me…why would I after what he has done! He wants the couple side of pregnancy but without the relationship. I cant wait to be a mum I’ve always wanted too, but how do I get rid of the bitterness and anger? Help?

    #33745 Report

    hb123
    Participant

    Hi

    I’m in a similar situation. I’m 30 and expecting my first. Me and my ex broke up literally two days after I found out and he went back home to his mothers. He has been to some scans (not all) and it’s extremely frustrating. I haven’t had it easy with bleeding and ops and do not feel I get any support you’d expect from the father of your child.
    It’s tough and sad and nothing any one tells me makes it better. Keep going x

    #33764 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    Sorry to hear you are also going through the same! I definitely feel I have no support only when it suits him. My hormones are everywhere, dealing with a breakup and pregnancy is never what I expected. I know it will be amazing and I’m better off without him like everyone keeps saying but it doesnt make the pain go away! X

    #33963 Report

    ralexandra89
    Participant

    I’m 30, 14 weeks pregnant and in the same situation – though the father revealed last week that he was cheating on his girlfriend when our child was conceived and that’s why he dumped me when he found out about the pregnancy.

    It is a very lonely place to be in and I was incredibly angry that these men can treat women as disposable and take no responsibility for their actions.

    I don’t really have much advice as I’m muddling through. But I’ve found some peace by staying calm when speaking to him, even when he tries to provoke me, sticking to my principles and doing all I can to give our baby the best start. My friends and family have been wonderful and so have my work. And they remind me that although he won’t be in my life I won’t be alone.

    I hope this helps a little. It’s a struggle, but there’ll be a beautiful baby at the end of it, and with your help it’ll turn into a better person than its father

     

     

     

    #34070 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through as well! I cant imagine the feeling of betrayal you are also feeling! I’m lucky I have the same support as you in regards to work and friends etc but I agree even with all that I feel so lonely. I know the anger and bitterness will go eventually I just dont get how they dont understand after what they have done we cant suddenly be best mates. My ex has confirmed he will be there from the birth but what about the support now, as I’m in shared housing I cannot afford to private rent on my wage so I have to declare myself homeless, his response ‘ok well as long as you and the baby are feeling ok thats all I want to know’ as my mum lives far away I’m planning to have the birth back home and live with her for the first 2 months to get help but I’m dreading the repuccusions of telling him. Enjoy your pregnancy and these babies will be so loved I know that. Em

    #34071 Report

    EmmaJ84
    Participant

    I’m currently 32 weeks pregnant and my husband walked out on me about 7 weeks ago. Our baby was very much planned and wanted, and it came as a massive shock. He’s given a load of feeble excuses as to why, none of which really make any sense. He’s currently refusing to communicate with me, but has said he wants to be involved once the baby is here. Whether he does though is another thing. Hes been so unpredictable recently I don’t know what to expect. In the meantime I’m left to pick up the pieces of mine and my other 3 kids broken hearts. People keep telling me itll get easier but I’m still waiting! I cry every day and feel so sad and lost. I’m lucky that I have some great family and friends around me so thats something.

    So please know that although you’re having a crap time right now you’re not alone. There seem to be plenty of us in the same sinking boat!! I’ve found coming on here and talking to people has really helped. I think sometimes my friends and family get bored of my problems so finding people who are going through the same is good.

    #34072 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    Thank you for your message!! I’m sorry but what an absolute B*****D!! I honestly cant imagine what you are going through! Your children are so lucky to have a strong mum like you who is continuing to bring them up and look after the bump, all people keep telling me is it will take time to heal which I agree but deep down will it actually ever, how do men get away with just treating women like this then just expect us to be fine, the worse thing is they think there innocent!! Why do they get to choose as and when they should be involved, its like we impregnated ourselves! Aww thank you it has definitely helped coming on here and getting messages knowing so many people are going through this and even worse then me! I agree I feel like I’m boring them to death and am just the friend who is always moaning at the moment. I’m scared as it is my first but I cannot wait to be a mum! I hope things work out for you! What I do know is were all better off without them. Em

    #34352 Report

    Katieangharad
    Participant

    Also going through a very similar situation, however, I hadn’t been with my partner for very long, two-three months.

    Finding it hard to balance what I want and what he wants. I.e I want the baby to have my surname, but I want him on the birth certificate. He wants to double barrel the surname and it seems EVERYONE has an opinion but I can’t quite decide what’s for the best.

    really struggling to find the balance, I’m not pining after him but I’m finding it hard going though it alone, but not alone at the same time 🙈 xx

    #34357 Report

    Loulou23
    Participant

    When I told my partner of five years I was pregnant he tried to force an abortion on me which I didn’t even consider doing. He also left me and went off with another woman and doesn’t bother with our child. His partner also regularly reports me to the social for various made up stuff.

    Im not going to lie but it is hard and it’s annoying that men can just get away with it. But as I see it, it’s always just been me and my child. Like it’s better to start independent and rely on yourself then have him leave and completely wreck your life if you know what I mean? You will get through it and it’s gonna be the most challenging and scary experience ever but you will be fine! I know it’s easier said then done but Don’t ever doubt yourself everything will fall into place eventually xx

    #34359 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    LouLou and Katie I’m.sorry to hear your also going through a hard time! I was going to think about a double barrel surname until he has literally shown zero support I’ve decided this baby will have my surname as it will be living with me and who knows what effort he will actually put in when the baby is born! In a way it would of been easier if he walked away instead of the odd text every few weeks now to clear his conscience asking how I am! I feel the same! I have people around me so I’m not alone but feel it! I find nights more emotional and I find myself going to bed early to have a cry! I cant believe you also have to go through his partner reporting things that’s terrible! I really am.starting to realise I am better alone and relying on myself! Aww thank you! It definitely helps hearing others life stories and seeing how well you are coping! I wish you all a lovely Christmas x

    #34364 Report

    Loulou23
    Participant

    You are going to be the baby’s number one, my child’s father isn’t even on the birth certificate so he has no say what so ever. You need to think of yourself and the baby and look out for yourself in the long run because you can really underestimate how horrible people can be.

    And exactly you may feel alone but I assure you, you aren’t. Think of it as character building haha. You’re gonna be stronger then ever and you can do this! Stay strong x

    Merry Christmas xxx

    #34366 Report

    Alipally
    Participant

    Im the same as LouLou have been single from the start. Its been the most amazing ,happiest , trying, tough, scary, loving year of my life and would not swap it for the world. You can do this but as far as feelings towards them go im stll struggling with those myself.

    #34378 Report

    14Fi
    Participant

    One of the best bits of advice I had was that you don’t have to put your ex on the birth certificate. I think we are conditioned into thinking we do. If he is being unsupportive, demanding or any way unreasonable at this stage, it is most likely to get alot worse if you give him that parental responsibility. If he really wants it, he can fight for it through the court.

    #34380 Report

    Victoria
    Participant

    Yeah agree with that, and don’t put him there unless you want the child stuck with his surname. Frankly he sounds like an immature idiot and I would treat him as such and speak to his parents and also a lawyer pronto and get child support and access arrangements (and boundaries) set up in advance.

    #34383 Report

    Emmie861
    Participant

    14fi and Victoria – thank you for your advice it honestly really helps hearing from others in areas I havent even thought about yet, its strange I sleep amazing lately until I hear from him and I wake all night as I am worrying about what’s best to do for the baby! I worry thinking if I dont put him on the birth certificate him and his family are going to kick off and think I’m just doing it out of spite, but why should i go through all the shit grown up stuff while he sits there and does **** all! I’m sick of him messaging me, we then argue as I tell him what I’m having to go through then he doesnt reply and messages 2 weeks later like everythings normal again! My family have told me not to respond this time so I have just deleted it! The fact he put ‘merry Christmas’ when I’m the one having to declare myself homeless and worrying about putting a roof over the babies head while he sits at home with mummy! I hope you both have a lovely Christmas and thank you for messaging! X

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