Don’t recognise my ex any more (long, sorry)

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    I know my ex was hurt by what he perceived to be my infidelity – although it was never anything physical & he was clearly doing similar (see previous post) – but I can’t believe the way he’s acting now & don’t know how to respond.

    He’s moved in with another woman (mutual ‘friend’) & told our girls (11 & 7) they’re a couple only 7 weeks after leaving. He’s been having the girls overnight every Saturday, staying at his brother’s vacant house, apart from our wedding anniversary weekend when I took them away as it was too painful to be at home.  Now he’s decided we agreed to move to having them alternate Saturdays from now – we didn’t! We agreed every Saturday night & Sunday daytime with him while we all adjusted, then possibly alternate full weekends later on but we would discuss this later.

    He saw youngest for a couple of hours on Thursday, & when he dropped her off I said ‘See you Saturday’ – then he said we’d made this new arrangement of which I had no idea! He said he has plans, so I said if he has more important things to do than spend time with his children then obviously I’ll have them. He became furious and shouted at me then roared off in the car.

    I immediately texted him the dates of all alternate Saturdays he was proposing for the remainder of the year & haven’t heard from him since.

    I just don’t recognise the man I was in love with for 15 years (and still am) any more. I understand him wanting to hurt me, but why the girls?

    He also won’t pay for his car insurance (named driver on policy in my name) & it will cost me a huge amount to cancel, so I’m stuck paying this on top of him having cut the money he gives me. He’s still giving me slightly over what the CMS say he should be for his basic salary, so I can’t really say anything at this stage, but it’s left me struggling. I just feel like he’s trying to punish me but can’t or won’t see it’s actually the children who are suffering.

    #29058 Report


    Also I know he’s working some very well-paid overtime, but this is variable. Thinking of waiting a couple of months for this to show in his wages then going through CMS if he’s still being difficult?

    #29063 Report


    Missy, all I can suggest is stay calm, keep pushing for sensible access for the girls and be prepared to backfill for him while he has his hissyfit.

    My ex was very difficult at the beginning but if you don’t rise, don’t get upset and stay consistent in what you suggest Re:weekends, he should eventually calm down.

    If your children ask, just say that daddy is having a bad day, & everyone is entitled to be a bit grumpy once in a while.

    Hopefully it passes soon, my ex took about 3 months.

    #29069 Report



    Have brought them out trampolining to get out of the house for a while as we’ve realised he’s taken her to a work colleague’s bbq to which we were all invited as a family. Hence the access change, obviously; he’s actively chosen her over them. 😢

    #29074 Report


    Hi Missy

    I wouldn’t worry about it much- I know its  easier said than done.

    Stay focused on the girls and you are already doing all the right things.

    You are an amazing Mom, honestly. You are going through a lot and still putting the girls first even over emotions and moods that as humans we cant control.

    You are stronger than you think- you just can’t see or feel it yet

    One day the girls will look back and notice your strength- they will love and appreciate you even more.


    Hope you and the girls enjoyed trampolining x

    #29086 Report


    I’m now sitting here waiting for the pictures of last night to appear on Facebook, wondering whether he’s going to contact the girls today… really can’t believe this is my life. Everything’s changed so completely & so suddenly, & I just feel so lost and alone.

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