Dont know where to start

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  • #23395 Report


    Hi, I’m new to this. I’m in a very unhappy marriage, have 2 kids 3 and 7 months. My husband is emotionally abusive, not massively but enough to make my life pretty miserable. I have tried to leave several times but back down because he makes me feel very guilty. I am on maternity leave so have no money at present and it makes splitting up harder because I dont have my independence. My parents are very supportive but live about 45 mins away and staying with them would be a massive change to everyines routine, nursery etc. I just dont know where to start but I cant go on living this miserable life. Where did you all begin!? Xx

    #23420 Report


    I’m just at the start of separating and am desperate for a reset button and to try counciling earlier. Not sure if that’s an option but I do feel that at times separating is far too easy.

    That said perhaps you’ll find someone in here with a similar story? Someone who can explain what they did.  Maybe moving to your patients for a break could give you some space?

    What I do know is that if any given situation the problem we face isn’t really the problem, rather it’s our  thinking which creates the true issues.  Typically over thinking is the real problem …

    what does your your gut say? That small voice , listen. Sometimes it’s so quiet you’ll not pay much attention … listen and explore the options you may be supprised

    #23422 Report



    As you’ve said your living a miserable life so something has to change and it will be a big change but it will be worth it in the end, you owe it to yourself and your children to be happy.

    Your husband making you feel guilty is just part of the abuse, once you see it for what it is you’ll see past it and not let it get in the way of changing your life for the better.

    The massive disruption to your childrens lives is nothing compared to harm being caused by them seeing you in a toxic relationship and unhappy so I think you going to your parents and the support and security they offer is by far the best option, besides children are especially adept at dealing with changes in their lives because they are so young everything is new anyway so the impact will be less than you imagine and in the end they will be far happier as they will have a happier mum.


    #23445 Report


    Thank you for your replies. We did try counselling but it’s been no help. I think my gut has always told me to leave but its so hard I have just ignored it. The kids are small enough to adapt at the minute so I think I need to do it now but its so daunting and frightening. He will make it really difficult for me to end things. I keep trying to build up to the conversation but then back out and go to bed! I know in the long run I’ll be happier it’s just making this initial move that’s hard! Xx

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