Don’t know where to start

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  • #17301 Report

    Tess
    Participant

    In the same predicament for a very long time, things just aren’t working out between me and my husband no matter what i do. I’ve come to accept we are never going to work. He will not move out because he is saying financially it’s unaffordable. I feel like i am living a nightmare, everyday is like groundhog day. we’ve got two young children ages 6 and 2 and a half. Can someone advise me where i start? We both work full time. The flat we live in is owned by me in my sole name. He can stay at his parents 4 bedroomed house but refuses to do this. We separated a few months back for two weeks (longest time apart in 8 years), i honestly thought things would change but nothing. I am constantly treated like dirt and he constantly gives me a hard time. I am trying to remain resilient to it and not let it affect me but every single day feels like an effort to get through ☹️😢 can anyone help me please? Desperate to get out of this situation.

    #17320 Report

    Tess
    Participant

    thanks for this. we are stuck financially. i am currently paying off an IVA, in the final year and it ends July next year. It will take me a while to rebuild my credit rating, so i am not in a position to offer him anything until this time next year maybe. i feel trapped at the moment. it is a nightmare situation. i will seek financial advice. but it’s all going to cost and i’ve not got access to money, everything is tied up in the flat i own. at least until the IVA finishes ☹️

    #17321 Report

    Tess
    Participant

    also just to note, i’ve been in the flat for 16 years. my husband has been here 8 years in january. he has made a small contribution, a loan for a new bathroom and boiler which we have both paid for. everything else has been cosmetic and again stuff we have both paid for. he also has credit cards in his name, that we are both paying for. i need to find somewhere who may offer me free financial advice. citizens advice maybe.

    #17333 Report

    Caoimhe84
    Participant

    Sorry to hear about your struggle. I am in a very similar situation. My husband and I have been together 16years, married just over 4. We have a 3 yr old and a 1 year old. 3 weeks after giving birth to my 1 year old, he told me he wasn’t happy. I knew things hadn’t been right but I was just sweeping it under the carpet thinking and hoping everything would just resolve itself. The next 10 months were hell. Living in unbearable tension, I just felt completely abandoned by him, every effort I made was shunned. Coming and going as he pleases, treating me like dirt. He also refused to leave the house saying he couldn’t afford it. In June I couldn’t take it anymore and I told him that I was leaving with the kids if he wasn’t. He went into complete melt down begging me not to leave that he would try and sort something but he needed time but I had made my decision. I went to my parents house. He text me the next day saying that he would go to his parents house to let me and the kids return home which he did. He has treated me and most of the closest people to him so badly over the last year or more that I can’t help but think that there is something that he is hiding and can’t face, but I have given him so many opportunities to come clean and have told him that I will protect him and work through whatever it is with him but he has given me nothing only grief. I understand how miserable and trapped you are feeling, u need to force it otherwise nothing will happen. U can get a residency order meaning that he will have to leave. I’m not sure of the cost but don’t think it’s overly expensive. Good luck and thinking about u. X

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