domestic abuse is it vital 2 get some sort of counselling?

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  • #11989 Report

    Billie38
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    <span style=”font-family: roboto, sans-serif; font-size: medium; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.2);”>If u have suffered should u have counselling? I suffered with domestic abuse 4 past yr with my H, after deciding 2 leave. It was mainly mentally & tired physical in the end I became depressed and tired on 2 attempts 2 commit Suicide. 1st was overdose on pills but I threw up all while in the process and 2nd was slitting my wrists didn’t manage my knife wasn’t sharp enough and my kids picture kept coming in my head. After that time I made up the decision to leave. Never told anyone except my bestie but I do break down in tears when I think how bad things got and maybe selfish that if I had done this was I not thinking about my boys.</span>

    #11990 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    It certainly is in this case. Just to be clear – you are separated from him now and you have the kids? Does he have access? Counselling is very helpful. However, be very clear that if they think you might self harm again they have a duty to report it and that may impact your access to the kids or any court hearings down the line. Having said that, having a record of what happened can also help down the line to prove what has happened. The first step I would suggest is to report it to the police. This will help in any future court proceedings.

    For your head counselling will help. A good starting point is to talk with your GP who will make a referral for you.

    Several of us have been there. It is common to have built a mental wall that makes sense at the time which says “I will accept this as long as it doesn’t happen to the children” so you make yourself a kind of buffer as if you’re accepting abuse so the children don’t. You need to get out of that mindset, and counselling will help with that. Ultimately, if you can’t look after your own health (physical or mental) you can’t fully look after the kids’, even if you think you are by suffering alone in their place. Really, it doesn’t work that way. For that reason, you should get some help.

    Here’s a starting point:  https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/

    I assume you are female. I am male and suffered and can point you in the direction of male-specific help if I guessed wrong about you!

    All the best and just as you took punishment for the kids, now get help for the kids. It’s the best way.

    #11992 Report

    Billie38
    Participant

    Thank u empty yes I’m separated and living with my parents. I’m in such a good place at the min, I have so much support and I’m on the other of working on myself physically and mentally. I’ve got a part time job that keeps me busy and my boys r a lot happy and normal. I never reported anything as I was always brainwashed not 2 say anything. Even now he does have access 2 my boys, personally they have told him they don’t wanna c him 2 the point they have blocked him on there phones. But I can’t force them to go either there aged 14 & 11.  As much as I hid things from them, they knew but with me leaving it was all so real 2 them and having seen how he is with his anger & verbal abuse to me till this day.

    #12031 Report

    SarahJT
    Participant

    Hi,

    Well done leaving! That is so tough. I’m a survivor of domestic abuse too, quite a few years ago. Now I’m a happy single Mum doing fine financially and getting so much joy from my daughter. I would certainly recommend counselling, probably cognitive behavioural counselling looking at your thoughts and behaviours. Even when you’re out of the situation it can cause anxiety down the line and it can take a long time to feel safe as well as the effects on your self esteem.  It took me a few years to get over him and I was left with a fear of relationships too but think I’m over that now. I would also say don’t go back to him. I loved my ex and gave him so many chances but it always ended up the same, a roller coaster ride great times when he would book holidays and give me gifts then the awful times. You can’t change him. He always used to say I couldnt cope without him and it can be difficult with practical things but I’m more than coping, I’m enjoying life. Good luck. Sarah x

    #12072 Report

    Abbeydad
    Participant

    books on cbt might be really helpful teach yourself, of course all the above is really good advice, therapy can be very effective if you find the right doctor.

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