Doing it completely alone
5 December 2021 at 8:44 am #63566
This is my first post.
ive recently lost my very limited support system in the form of my dysfunctional family. We have had a big disagreement and now don’t talk.
I have absolutely no help from anyone to help raise my child, who is 8yrs old. I became a single parent when he was 2&1/2 after his father became violent with me.
his father doesn’t see him at all.
how do you cope with no one??
Im hoping to build some connections with people in similar situations.5 December 2021 at 12:22 pm #63567
Hi how are you my first post too
Firstly your doing amazing be proud of yourself, I’d like to know the answer to your question I have a slightly similar issue so intrigued i had a divorce 10 months ago I have the children permantly in my care for the past 3 months the mother has no contact I have a 1 year old 5 year old 8 year old 10 year old no family support or baby sitter I just have no life lol it’s stressful at times as you just need that 1 hour to yourself but if you ever need to chat always here to listen6 December 2021 at 11:49 pm #63608
I have 4 children ( 11,11,6,2) and work part time with them at school/ childminder then babysitter for them all. My mum helps a little but she has health problems so only really can do a bit when babysitter is ill ( and I’ve also been looking after her).
Tbh financially I am no better off working but it helps me remember who I am that isn’t the kids Mum.
Some days it is fine and we get on great. Other days I just want to cry and get annoyed at the kids and the fact that everyone else seems to have a life and can go out without dragging the kids too, and go on dates, and have a bath without bath toys and kids trying to climb in.
My ex moved 4 and 1/2 hours away and sees older kids every coupe of months for a weekend.
I have found lots of people say ” if there’s anything I can do to help” but when you actually ask them to do something suddenly they backtrack or just vanish for a few weeks until they hope you’ve forgotten. I know everyone has busy lives so I try and not get upset by it. But it is very much you had the kids they’re your responsibility to look after. I don’t see any evidence of the old it takes a village to raise a child idea.
Finding childcare is a nightmare and so expensive. And getting a reliable babysitter is hell. You are constantly juggling work etc. I don’t have a job I can work from home, but not well enough paid to be able to afford to pay for childcare. Kids know once older 2 are 13 they’ll be babysitting so we’re trying to limp on until then.
While I wouldn’t change having my kids for anything it is tough. It’s the nonstop sameness sometimes – the cooking, cleaning, school runs, sorting out squabbles . I had a hospital appointment and they asked me if I had any symptoms and how I was feeling and I had to answer that I didn’t know. I have no time to think how I feel about anything. The good thing is it stops you feeling sorry for yourself. But it’s not ideal.
So you are not alone.
But you also get all the cuddles on the sofa. All the spontaneous “I love you”s. The pictures, the kisses. The smiles that makes it all worthwhile.
Like I said I wouldn’t change it. And it is actually no harder than when my ex was around as he didn’t do anything to help anyway and I just had an extra moody grumpy alcoholic child to look after. So while I wish things were different and I wasn’t on my own sometimes I then remember what things were like without the rose tinted glasses on and I count my lucky stars.