Does this change?

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  • #14402 Report


    Today I feel so sad about what’s happening…..seperation……is it normal to feel ok, focused and ready for it one day and the next just feel lost…..

    #14403 Report



    Yes it is, the first few weeks will be a roller coaster of emotions, just take one day at a time, it does eventually get better with time.

    #14424 Report


    …exactly the same here…

    I developed a habit of ringing a good (but geographically remote) friend of mine who had been through a tough divorce a couple of years ago on my ‘bad’ days just for him to tell me again  that it  is both normal to feel that way and eventually gets better (or so I’m told!) it helps me remain grounded….or at lease sane…

     I suppose this forum, thanks to generous folk like Luis all and others helps in a similar way (and more)

    Keep strong, but don’t feel bad when you feel weak…..

    #14426 Report


    Yeah, about 7 weeks of total confusion for me. Phoning people, this website, and some counselling helped.

    #14429 Report


    It’s ups and downs- some days I can cope fine other days I lock myself in the bathroom to cry. For me it’s the lonliness that gets me. And the fear of feeling this way forever. Just have to hope it gets better, plan things to look forward to, try and find things to focus on so you don’t think too much and drive yourself mad xxx

    #14431 Report


    Hey Ninakt,

    You won’t feel this way forever, don’t worry.  It’s just really tough at the beginning of a separation, you miss the company, the chats and silly stuff like making each other tea or the division of chores.  I found that some days I don’t speak to anyone and it helps to text a mate about anything, even simple stuff like a special offer in a supermarket or a picture of a pair of nice shoes!  It won’t make the sadness stop but it’s a distraction.  In a year’s time you could be the happiest you’ve ever been!

    I think it’s normal Reds13, there is a grieving process for every kind of loss.  I was posting here asking for support at my saddest point in a long time the other day, now I am having a better day and I am trying to support others.  Tomorrow who knows!  It’s all day by day and ups and downs for now.

    #14448 Report


    It does change I promise. It does get easier and yes its completely normal to have fluctuating moods. I don’t think we should deny our emotions, they serve a purpose to help us eventually move on. The difficulty is not drowning in them. Not letting them overwhelm you for too long. I was so crap at that last winter. I was either rushing around like a lunatic or zoned out like a zombie. I didn’t know about Gingerbread or the local single mum Facebook group and I didn’t feel there was anyone who I could talk to properly as I was too busy putting a face on pretending I was doing ok.

    Don’t shut yourself off like I did. There are so many lovely people that have been through or are going through the same thing. You are not alone xx

    #14483 Report


    The thing is it’s my decision….I feel so much guilt, I should just stay for my daughter….I know that’s not a life…..he’s done nothing wrong….xx

    #14484 Report


    I know how you feel reds13

    it was also my decision to split with my husband of 19 years and some days I feel terrible. He begs me to change my mind and still tells me he loves me after nearly three years of separation which makes it harder. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep not knowing if I’ve done the right thing and even considered going back for the sake of the children but when I see him again I just know I can’t go back to that life and have made the right decision.

    We get on really well and are best friends and still do things together with our sons but he’s not the same man I married (and I’m not the same woman now either) and I do breathe a sigh of relief when I return home Just me and my little boy. I think we are better people now being apart and can focus on being there more for our children now instead of arguing all the time.

    My emotions are very up and down every day/week/month so I do sympathise with you x


    #14487 Report


    Jo45…..Thankyou…’s like I’ve written that myself…..we don’t argue as such but we sometimes don’t communicate at all then try and fake it infront of our little one…’s exhausting….

    #14488 Report


    I mean this in the nicest sense!  but maybe try and see it from his side….Im guessing youre the main parent?…..

    #14496 Report


    I totally look at it from his side…that’s why it’s filled with guilt and upset….I am happy to co parent/share responsibility for our child and do the best we can to get through this… doesn’t make me wrong for having this feeling…

    #14802 Report


    Reds (and everyone)

    This is encouraging. I’m very new to being a single parent – I was doing really well and then today, almost without prompting and for no reason, tears came to my eyes and I had to go to the bathroom so my kids wouldn’t see me crying! God knows how I’ll feel tomorrow.

    Jo45 that’s great that you and your ex can get on. I’m hoping for that kind of relationship with mine. We were good friends (indeed friends before we got together 12 years ago). The kids adore him and he is good-hearted and kind. We just became different people and each wanted the other to change.

    I’m trying to find three things to do every evening to distract me. Tonight it was: clean the bathroom, go on the exercise bike and wrap some presents for an overdue birthday!

    I’m seeing friends for lunch tmrw with my 6 year old, going out on Tuesday afternoon and working Weds. So I have a plan for the next few days which I’m hoping will help as well.

    Keep us updated on how you’re getting on and feel free to PM me. x

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