Does it get better?

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  • #8819 Report

    Maxine84
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’ve just found this site for the first time and wanted to say hello.

    My story is that my husband (married for 4 years, together for 12 years) came home from work one day about 6 months ago and told me completely out of the blue that he was unhappy and he was leaving. We have a three year old and I was 7 months pregnant with our (I thought) much wanted and planned second child who is now 4 months old. I feel really stupid and naive in saying that I had absolutely no idea and thought we were really happy – he was still loving and affectionate and we were actively planning for the future).  It has since come out that he was leaving for a girl who he’d met online, that he’s had numerous one-night stands over the last 8 years (when he travelled for work) and that he’d been actively looking for women online throughout my second pregnancy and even when we were trying for our baby.

    He hasn’t been particularly involved with the children since he left (difficult with a baby who is breastfed roughly every 3 hours ) but is about to start having our daughter every other weekend, which I am just dreading and is definitely the worst part of the whole thing. Our son will join her at the weekends once I stop breastfeeding him, which I can’t even think about as he literally hasn’t been away from me since he was born.

    I know it’s been 6 months  but I’m really struggling to come to terms with this or even to really believe that it has happened. I really can’t understand how someone who I thought shared the same values as me could just walk out one day with no attempt at counselling or ever trying to make things work. I’d asked if we could try again (pathetic I know after what he’s done) but he won’t even consider it. He essentially has said that he settled down too young and wants to sow his wild oats, and that he didn’t feel that he had enough control over his life.

    I know I should feel like I deserve better, but it’s so hard when he’s out every night enjoying himself and dating other people, while I’m at home every evening and getting by on a few hours of sleep a night because I’m up with our baby. Our daughter has been incredibly clingy too since he left – she seems happy but doesn’t want me to leave her side. I don’t really have any other help: my parents are both dead and my in-laws haven’t seen us since Christmas (I think they are in denial about the whole thing).

    This sounds like such a self-pitying post, but I just felt like it would be good to hear from anyone who’s been through anything similar and come out the other side.

    Does it get better?

     

     

     

     

    #8821 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Maxine, I pity him not you. You don’t realise the long game yet. You have by far the best life. PM me any time you need someone to chat to. Honestly, you don’t see it, but you have already won. You don’t have to settle for the visits he insists on (unless it’s gone through a court). You are what you need to be right now: the best.

    #8822 Report

    Butterfly13
    Participant

    Hi Maxine84,

    I pretty much went thorough what you are going through 3 years ago. Where my partner of 12 years, husband of 5 walked out on me and our 18 month old on New Year’s Eve and it was only 9 months later I found out the true reason… another woman.

    3 years on though I can say I am a happier person than I was with him, I just didn’t realise how unhappy I was at the time and as like you I would have kept trying for the sake of my family. Don’t get me wrong I still have the bad day but they are rare now and it will get easier for you.

    My biggest struggle still is saying I’m divorced as it feels like I have failed and that I’m a single parent.

    You can do this x

     

    #8823 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    Your kids deserve stability and that is exactly what you are giving them because they will grow up and be proud that you put them first .

    People are Jerks  and he will regret what he did. I was married to a male ****. It’s me and my daughter and I go to work and don’t get no handouts . I buy food, clothes and pay the mortgage as I have no family.

    The tarts are the just using your husband. I had 3 miscarriages and my husband was either abroad with the lads or whoring in the nightclub . My husband has moved a 56 year woman who dresses like a teenager into his mother’s house.

    I despise him but now I just get on with it. My daughterwill.be 4 years old soon.  The holidays are the sites just shows a pot bellied male **** with a g string Tart who is with him for his money

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