Does it ever get better????

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  • #55314 Report

    EveH1601
    Participant

    Hi everyone

    I have just joined this forum as I feel so helpless and alone and I suppose I’m looking for some moral support.

    I’ve been separated from my husband now for about 15 months. Very messily for the first 9 months with police having to be involved numerous times. He was very controlling and manipulative eventually breaking my nose about 6 months before our eventual final split. By this point emotionally I was done with him but too scares to actually leave.

    Fastforwad almost 2 years and I’ve left, living alone with my children in a tiny rented house. Having lost my full time job last year due to covid, I am now working part time whilst claiming UC.

    Everyone keeps telling me how far I’ve come but I feel worse off than ever. I’m so desperately unhappy all of the time. I hate that I love in acting home that isn’t my own. I can’t afford to buy as I don’t earn anywhere near enough in high priced area I live. I now do a part time job I hate and the relationship I was having after my break up has now ended leaving me feeling more sad and alone than ever. I feel like I can’t see an end to all this unhappiness and feel like I have gone backwards financially.

    #55319 Report

    Sunray
    Participant

    Just wanting to reach out and send some virtual love your way. I’m not sure if it gets better yet, too early to tell for me yet, but everyone around me and those that have been here before tell me it does so we have to trust them ey? I imagine one day you will just find yourself pretty happy and OK with the situation you are in.

    Sending love and hoping you can be gentle with yourself  x

    #55328 Report

    EveH1601
    Participant

    Thank you for the reply Sunray

    Think what bothers me most is after more than a year I feel no better off and frankly most days I feel worse than ever. I hate the idea of starting my life again at 34. Makes me feel so sad and a failure.

    I hope you can get there as well xx

    #55331 Report

    Joanna79
    Participant

    Hi Eve, you have lost alot and you are grieving that, this sounds completely normal to me. Remember that we have gone through lockdown which has in some ways out a pause on any growth or improvement some of would have hoped for. I so believe we won’t go back to what we have had so things can only improve even if there is lots of stops, starts and delays to normality again.

    The house situation – yes I know that feeling. I used to own a flat and then became unwell after separation from my ex and I lost everything it felt, my finances, a career, my health, my home and it eventually resulted in living with my mum which has been very difficult. Mentally though I feel ok and hopeful and have for through. How would you feel about applying for social housing? I know it isn’t the dream but I have seen so many really nice HA homes and people I know having lived in some great places. It is so much more secure. Why not just get yourself registered so you feel you are taking some control.

    Could you afford private counselling? Many will give a discount for those struggling / on benefits. I cannot advocate this enough. Counselling saved me and is what has kept me going and smiling despite losing so much eventually. After all you have been through I believe this would be a lifeline for you; a woman ideally.

    Can you handle the thought of working on a better job, looking at socialising in any way you can with your kids without looking for a new relationship. You are so vulnerable right now you could attract the wrong sort of guys and also it will hurt so much more if it goes wrong whilst you are dealing with so much else.

    Things really can get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel as these restricted continue to lift and we have some normality again.

    #55432 Report

    Gummibear
    Blocked

    Hi EveN

    Maybe don’t think of it as ‘starting life again at 34’….gosh starting life again?! No thank you in my opinion.I prefer to see it as a journey.Yep there’s ups and downs but it’s like that with anything and hopefully we have learned from past experiences.It’s all just a load of experiences we go through to make us who we are🤔.They say great women are not born they’re made.I like to see myself as one,in the making….😆 It’s the polish that brings out the shine and all that.It’s all true as long as we don’t get too bitter and twisted along the way I suppose.

    And please don’t say you’re a failure! I get a bit offended bc then you’re kind of branding all of us single parents failures and we’re totally not.When life’s a struggle and we fight to keep our heads above water and keep doing that day after day we are actually heroes!! It’s easy to be happy when you have it on a silver platter.

    Good luck and💗

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