Does anyone have any advice?

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  • #38539 Report


    I seperated from my husband about 12 months ago for many reasons.

    We have two children 7y & 3y. When we first separated he was living in temporary accommodation so arrangements to see the children were at my house as I wanted him to continue to have a good relationship with our children.

    Eventually, he moved into a small flat locally but wanted to continue to see the children at my house. I allowed this to continue for a short while and approached the subject of a more permanent arrangement where he cared for the children at his own property every other weekend. Unfortunately, he has refused to have both of the children at the same time due to the fact that there is an age gap between them and that he feels his property is too small to have them both there. Again, I have had to go along with this and means that he has a different child every weekend, as do I.

    I’m not happy with separating them at the weekends and it feels that I have no choice in the matter. I work during the week as does he but, the difference being that they both live with me during the week.

    I have tried to discuss it with him but, he just refuses. Recently due to the current lockdown, as we are both unable to work, we came to an arrangement where I would care for the children 4 days a week and he would care for them 3 days a week. I found this reasonable until he told me that the only way he would do it is to care for them at my home and for me to go to his flat. I was not happy with this arrangement and he has again refused and will only care for one child, again separating them for a longer period.

    Am I being unreasonable here?

    Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


    #38542 Report


    You aren’t being unreasonable. I’d be tempted to refuse him access unless he takes both children.

    He is intentionally preventing you from having any kind of social life or downtime, and also preventing you from feeling like your home is actually yours.

    It sounds like manipulation and control to me.

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