Do you feel like your kids are a burden?

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Do you feel like your kids are a burden?

Tagged: 

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #63069 Report

    Hannah8
    Participant

    I’ve been a single mum now for ten years and was in awful marriage before that. I’m tired about being a single parent and feel guilty for feeling like that. I now often feel like my children , I have two, are a burden and I feel resentment towards ex for not contributing financially or with childcare. I have been a mum and dad for past ten years , since they were toddler/baby, and the responsibility is so huge. It’s such a juggle balancing work, a stressful job, parenting on own and other family commitments and then try to look after own wellbeing too. My children are wonderfully behaved and bright and don’t deserve me feeling resentful.

    Was wondering anyone felt the same?

    #63073 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi,

    sounds like your doing a great job. I have 3 kids aged 3, 5 and 8. just had them for long weekend and it is hard work caring for them. I am in opposite situation to you. I can be pretty much available to care for my kids at short notice, but their mum will not allow it out of spite. How old are your kids? I imagine things will get easier when they enter their teen years.

    #63080 Report

    single_mumof2
    Participant

    Hay. I completely sympathy’s either you. I to  am sole carer for 2 children (4 and 7) only separated last October, like you have done what I can and fortunately my 2 are well adjusted, accepted changes in family dynamics and Doing well in school. Couldn’t be prouder! But when do we get time? It’s cycles for me, I get my self in a rut (last sat!) then spend Sunday feeling guilty and selfish for wanting a break. Give my self a proper good talking to on a Monday once I’ve dropped kids to school and remind my self i had a part to play in where I’m at now. That Im working towards a better future. Being a role model by working and being kind. Ur children are not tiny for long. I don’t want ransoms coming in and out of our lives. My time is so so precious it will be used for friends, family and me! I agree it’s not easy, but don’t kick your self for wanting to explore who you are and wanting time to do that. Try get creative with any time you do have….? Try loose your self in a book than watch tv…. That definitely helps focus my mind….

    10 years ❤️❤️ You are a credit to your children and they will absolutely appreciate everything you do. Our time will come….

    #63087 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Children are a burden. Just nobody dares to say it. They drag you down emotionally and financially. At times. If you are a single parent, it is much more difficult to handle, as you can’t even blame your partner for your misery and start a decent fight.

    I think there are times I feel they are worse than a burden. But also there are times when everything is great. This is just normal, and whoever says he or she enjoys children all the time, is not a parent or a lier.

    #63088 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Hannah, you sound like you are doing a fantastic job. It’s not easy. Give yourself the credit for raising beautiful children. You are doing brilliantly even though it’s hard to see it at times.

    #63094 Report

    Privatelady
    Participant

    Sometimes being so wrapped up in the rat race takes its toll and it makes it hard to remember what makes you, you.

    Children can be so much hard work and our days become so entwined in what’s happening in their days, dramas, what’s for tea, is it bedtime yet, is homework done battles we forget as parents thay we are ourselves and rightly so are humans with needs wants and wishes.

    You’ve spent the past ten years managing the fallout of a broken relationship, on your own and managing work, your kids and other commitments aswell for so long is a massive achievement. It wears us all down at times. But please look to others around you for support, the coffees and cake, the nights out when you can grab them (I’ve had one in 6 months and was home by ten but cherished every hour of freedom 😁)

    I struggle sometimes to find time for just me between housework, child, routines, my job, like taking over and need to follow my own advise more and find myself a hobby just for me  but I prioritise self care. It is key here. Little one settled. My time, do not disturb, unless I choose to phone you, candles, no jobs on the list that can’t wait.

    Watch for mood too and flags for anxiety, stress and depression as these can turn into feelings of fed up, exhaustion  and resentment too as a side note.

    #63095 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Great advice! Thanks.

    #63096 Report

    Hannah8
    Participant

    Thank you for all your words of encouragement and support.

    I feel really guilty because everyone says how wonderful the girls are (14 and 11) and I have spent all these years with their upbringing to help make them like this , but recently feel more and more resentful to ex for not taking any responsibility.  As they get older they seem to want or need more and their peers have all the latest things and seem to come from typical 2.4 families where dad provides for children etc.

    Sorry me moaning! I do try to make time for myself.  It doesn’t help when you have stressful job and you’re right that stress can lead to feeling fed up and then everything gets me down and can lead to this feeling of burdensome responsibility as single parent.

    Again, many thanks 😊 hope you’re all OK xx

    #63097 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Moan away! Those ages could be a struggle if you let them! You sound like you’re doing great – I bet they are a credit to you. I agree it’s easy to look at other families. But try not to. You plot your own course. You’ve done well so far.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register