Hi all im 8months pregnant with my first baby, and discovered a phone that my partner had been messaging other women on… i left and have returned to my mums. Im heartbroken and now im on maturnity leave its all i think about
but i don’t know if I should have him at the birth??? Part of me doesnt want him to miss out and part of me thinks he doesn’t deserve to be there.. im embarrassed to ask friends and family. Any advice would really help xx
The only thing that matters here is whether his presence will help you through your labour.
Will he hold your hand, fight your corner, communicate your wishes to the midwives? Will his presence be reassuring and supportive? Or are you likely to fight about the messaging? Because once you are in labour, you won’t be able to deal with that.
If he has your back without hesitation, then yes. Otherwise no
I’m a midwife and was in a similar position; we broke up during the pregnancy and for quite a while I didn’t want him to miss out on the birth of his child, was convinced I needed him to get through labour and always wanted to be open to him having a relationship with babe. We went round in circles – he wanted to be involved, he didn’t, he did, he didn’t…a couple of weeks before I gave birth I discovered he was actually married and I was the other woman!!! He’s not made any effort to contact me since I asked about his wife. Heartbreaking but it has totally made me into a protective mama bear.
Both professionally and personally, you need to be selfish about the birth – this is you and your body. Have a birth partner who will be your rock, don’t worry about him missing out or not, this is not the time to be concerned about him if he’s demonstrated any kind of betrayal to your relationship.
Even for couples who are happily together, I do tell women that in some cases, the dad isn’t necessarily the best person to have at the birth! It is the norm now but every woman has to do what is right for them and their birth.
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