Divorce and financial arrangement
23 October 2020 at 6:05 pm #45062
Please can anyone offer me advice. I left my husband 3 weeks ago. I fled quickly taking kids belongings, collected from school early and went to a place of safety. I am a victim of abuse as well as my children. There is a likelihood he will be sacked from work and cannot offer me any financial support in the future. He has taken all our joint saving from the account which I saved and will not give me access to. He has not given me any money since leaving for the children and I have had to buy all new clothing etc.
He is refusing to leave the house for us to return, I am applying for an occupation order to get him out. Basically, I don’t think he will ever be allowed contact with the children again due to allegations against him. I am refusing mediation due to the exemption of being a victim of abuse from him.
I have filed for divorce and want financial settlement through the court as I know he will try and leave me hand and dry. I know it is a very lengthy and costly way, but I have no choice as there is no way he will agree to anything as he likes to control every situation.
I am hoping I get the maximum and even want the house signed over to me, to enable me to sell it. Has anyone been through a similar situation where the judge has awarded 100 percent of property. Although the mortgage is costly it is cheaper than renting and I could afford the mortgage alone for a short time until I can sell. He will hinder the sale.
I may have to give up my job to care for our 4 children, 2 of whom have additional needs as he has all school holidays off to care for them usually.
I have applied to CSA two weeks ago but not heard anything. He also has a agood pension and we have been together for 11 years. MArried for 8 1/2, living together for 10 years.23 October 2020 at 7:37 pm #45068
No judge will ever offer you 100% of a property in a million years. I think you need to leave things for a few weeks as you seem very angry at moment. You should mediate with ex partner and make sure he sees his 4 children as they will be wondering where there dad is. Csa will take a while to get sorted although claim with start from date of application.
Financial proceeding in an ideal world u are best sorting it with your ex as proceedings can cost easily 25 k + if couples argue and dispute things.
I dont know your circumstances but seems like it is best house is sold and split 50-50 , this also would depend on how much equity is in house . ie you have a mortgage but how much is owing ?
It is a very tricky situation you are in but best way to resolve things without costing thousands is to speak to ex through mediation which doesnt have to be straight away. let the dust settle so to speak and then try.23 October 2020 at 8:05 pm #45070
Thanks for the advice. I am not angry, just disappointed in him as a father and a husband. There is a lot of equity in the house which I have mostly put in. He is not allowed to see the children at present and without going into much detail, that is a legal decision. I am not bitter and am exempt from mediation due to domestic abuse. He is not safe to be in the same room due to his behaviour.
Mediation will get us nowhere as he would never agree to 70 percent. There is no way in this world I would accept 50/50 split due to the fact I will be bringing up the children full-time on my own. There is no way I can enter the same room as him. I am fearful of him and know from past experience what he wants he usually gets. He has been married before and his ex-wife left with virtually nothing and he kept the house. They had no children together. It appears it’s the same pattern. I was willing to do mediation in the first instance, however, our relationship has completely broken down and I no longer have contact with him via e-mail, phone or otherwise.
The dust will never settle as he is not allowed contact with myself or the children due to legal and complex reasons at this time. My rationale around it is that he will not be able to pay for the children in the long term and I have paid more into the house over the years than he has. I know it is joint mortgage, but surely as the mother of 4 children I should be entitled to more than 50 percent.
I am not malicious, I have given up my career years ago for him to full-fill his. Hence, me going part-time. Since we separated, he has offered no financial or emotional support to the children (when he was allowed to see them) and only thought of himself.
This is not a run of the mill divorce situation, I suppose they never are. In order to get a house in the area where the children’s school and friends are and familiarity for them I would need more than 50 percent.23 October 2020 at 8:08 pm #45071
I know 100 percent is very ambitious, but I thought start at the top and work backwards. I have never been in this situation before and am open to opinions. Has anyone else on here been in a similar situation?
In a few weeks we will be homeless as my mum has sold her house and we have nowhere else to go. My son is living with my brother as there is no room at this house. He refuses to leave a large 5 bedroom house and rent until the house is sold in order to offer our children a roof over our head, even though I offered to pay his rent as he would only require a small rental.24 October 2020 at 5:14 pm #45083
I was in a similar situation where the equity in the house was 80% mine but as there was no written agreement i had to settle for a 60/40 split in my favour (i have the 4 kids). It would have been 50/50 if i didn’t have the kids living with me the majority of the time. I think 60/40 is the more likely outcome for you as you have the children with you. You might be able to get an order to remain in the house until the youngest is 18 though if that is an option for you.24 October 2020 at 9:27 pm #45088
The best scenario will be a 60/40 split once house is sold and you will be entitled to some of his pension,remember this can drag out for months especially when two people can’t agree,and it makes it harder that the both of you can’t go to mediation over it to discuss it due to the circumstances25 October 2020 at 9:11 am #45093
Thanks for advice. It helps to know where I stand and if I concentrate on 60 percent at least I can plan where I will live. I want to sell the house as don’t want to be tied to him for next 10 years until my youngest is 18.
a clean break is what I want. I will have to pay court costs though as he has a secret savings account which he has put over £1000 a month in for years and I don’t know where it is. My situation is rare where I doubt he will ever be allowed contact legally to the dangerous person he is and may well end up In prison and losing his job, so he won’t be able to afford the mortgage of he did stay. I know it sounds harsh that I wanted all the house, but I am thinking of my children’s future.25 October 2020 at 7:12 pm #45105
If it goes to court all the financial side of both sides will have to be declared including hidden bank accounts as they will find it before the judge will sign it off12 November 2020 at 9:44 pm #45620
So divorce can be applied for online but you may need a solicitor for that route if he’s doesn’t agree with your reasons ie unreasonable behaviour, violence but with legel documentation you should be okay.
Divorce is 550 to apply but you can also apply for help with fees and may get them all back.
You can not apply for a financial order until the decree nisi is granted but before the absolute.
You will need the miam exemption certificate, it’s a long ass form but it’s worth it xx