distance between co-parents

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    onewomanband
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    hi – first post … I want to move with my daughter to the coast (About an hour’s train journey, 1.5 hours door to door) from the other parent(s – a couple) – I am single mum of six year old).

    I know they will object very strongly. Until now I do nearly all of the facilitation of contact and since covid I do all facilitation at considerable personal and financial cost and to my detriment.

    I am nervous and scared as they already made tentative threats to the child about it (e.g. we won’t allow you to move … if you do you won’t see us and you will regret that when you are older). The child is scared too – mostly because she can tell that they are ‘very angry with you mummy.’

    I know that if I make the decision to move i will be met by a wall of anger. I want to know what my rights are. there are many people who commute the same journey daily but I know they will not see it like this. I feel I would benefit emotionally and mentally from putting a geographical distance between us as I really struggle with the stress and fear and pain of this situation. The child and I would also benefit from having more space (we are currently in a very confined urban space and could get something bigger by the sea). Anyone have any experience of this? I moved away from my entire support network to facilitate ‘a family’ that has rejected me completely since the moment I conceived (long story). I have therefore been extremely isolated and I have never settled in this area. I know the move would be best for my daughter and I BUT if it is going to result in anger, aggression and more stress I wonder if it is stupid to even entertain the thought. There is no way of having a conversation or open communication with the other parties involved. Any advice/experience gratefully received.

    #42131 Report

    Wivanay79
    Participant

    Hi there

    I think it’s inevitable that moving, and changing the set up will be met with anger, and potentially cause more stress, but only in the short term. If it’s going to make you and your daughter happier in the long run, that can only be a good thing. It seems they’re being extremely manipulative, it’s unfair to tell the child things like that and attempt to use her emotions to control the situation.

    Me and my ex are around an hour and a half apart, I’m on the coast, she’s further inland, and it works fine. It was her decision to live in a town, and I wanted to stay by the sea, for similar reasons, it’s the only place I’ve felt settled. Granted, I do all the travelling, but we eventually came to an agreement over costs and time ect, as she doesn’t drive yet, so got there eventually. There was attempted manipulation initially to try to get me to move, but my support network was here, so I stayed.

    Would moving to the coast be taking you back to your own support network? It does seem unfair that your ex has all the support he needs, and you have none. I’m guessing by the set up at the moment, that your daughter sees more of one side of the family than the other?

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