Difficult Ex

[CAD1982]

Hi, I have a very difficult ex who did not take our split well.  We have been splitting our time in the family home over the last year and this gives us both time with the children.  I am now moving into my new place with our 2 boys.

My ex is intent on making my life as difficult as possible.  He refuses to find a suitable property for him to have the children.  He has stated that he won’t be having our eldest son (14) over night, EVER!  He will have our youngest (11) for 3 nights.  1 night at his place which is a house he shares with a friend and the other 2 nights with his new partner who I have never met and doesn’t live in the area.

This arrangement is totally unsuitable as it will no doubt cause the eldest to feel rejected and the youngest to be unsettled going from pillar to post.  He is using this as a way of controlling me and making sure I can never have a social life.

What sort of say do I have in this situation?  He refuses to sit and talk with me about it.

 

TIA

[NIK]

This is so difficult and I feel your pain! Stay strong!  I asked my ex to move out after 15 years together. He was emotionally very distant through much of the final years of our relationship,The final straw came when my beloved sister and best friend was diagnosed with cancer and I was worried and he told me to “get a grip”! I live in the family home because it was my house that I bought and in the 15 years together he never paid even one bill! His solicitor told him there was nothing he could do. He is very bitter about this which I can understand but I am trying to provide a stable home for our child. He has spent the last 2 years wandering the streets with our 8 year old daughter when he has her (because I wanted her to be able to see him) as he has no permanent accommodation. I have never asked him for any maintainence money nor has it been offered. My daughter is exhausted and I have even gone so far as to offer to pay his deposit on a flat so he has somewhere safe to take her. He has now moved into a flat with someone I don’t know (another male) and my daughter got so upset about going there last week that she wouldn’t move from the school gate until he had called me to collect her. She finds his flatmate “ok” but  says his flat is dirty and she is worried that his toilet doesn’t flush. She is by no means a fussy child and so I find this quite worrying. He is telling his family I am refusing to let her speak to him which is rubbish – I just want her to feel safe. I have sought advice legally as he is telling her she will be staying overnight with him and was told that if we followed a legal route he may end up seeing her more than he currently is – so frustrated!

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