Difficult ex

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  • #63865 Report

    Suz56
    Participant

    I am writing as finding it difficult to deal with my ex. We have 2 kids together and separated now for almost 2 years. We separated as he was emotional abusive. He has refused to get a divorce so have to wait 2 years. He will decide when he wants to see the boys and then sometimes decides if I am working or randomly he won’t see the kids. Recently he disappeared for 2 weeks stating he was only going away for a few days and I had to organise emergency childcare as was working. My oldest who is 4 gets really impacted by this and struggles with the change in routine. I have sought legal advice and tried to get a minute agreement but he won’t sign and mediation would not work. I decided I would block his access to see the kids as it’s having such an impact on my kids lives. He is now demanding to see them. In past he has threatened me verbally. I have said he can’t see them unless he becomes more reasonable or he gets court order but he won’t listen. Looking for any advice if anyone else been through same. Finding it very stressful. Recently I got child maintenance involved as well so I don’t have to deal with him.

    #63878 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    I understand it can be frustrating. even if there is a court order in place, it would not force him to see his kids.

    #63881 Report

    Suz56
    Participant

    For me personally I feel he has more of a negative impact on his kids life with his erratic behaviour. I understand court order won’t force him to see his kids and wouldn’t want that. Just frustrating when you work so hard and he is constantly telling me I am a bad mum.

    #63920 Report

    Privatelady
    Participant

    I got free legal advice regarding my ex not so long ago.

    His in and out of my little girls life on his terms is becoming harmful, he is saying horrible things about a key figure in her life to her constantly when he does have her. Aswell as what he is saying about me so alienation against the people who are still her constistants and picks and chooses when he comes.

    It was also an abusive relationship. I havnt halted the contact yet but the solicitor said legally if I can stand up In court and honestly say it is causing my child harm (which we are bordering at present) parental rights or not as the resident parent with whom she lives with (even though legally we both have parental responsibility by law) I can deny him contact visits as it is in my hands to ensure she is safe from the emotional harm it can cause.

    He also said it would then by down to him to take me to court if he wanted to put in a proper contact plan rather than me as he would be the one wanting visitation.  

    It’s a difficult one as it’s the battle of the little one has the right to see him and I will fight for that, but finding the balance of when it is becoming harmful and them being able to proove why and really 100% trusting your judgement.  The feeling of love will carry children through there life but rejection can scar and wear them down for a lifetime so its a careful path to follow to do what’s right I’ve got a lot of proof, emails, notes in vertribrum when the little ones become upset, etc.. It’s a very fine balance.

    Keep any arrangements you make documented by email, phone calls minimal so you have a paper trail of any messing around. I’m in a similar situation right now and it’s so tough.

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