Difficult baby daddy.

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  • #64508 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    The father of my 5 months old and I cannot come to an agreement on child support informally and he has said that he won’t speak to me again if I go through the courts. I’m having a tough time with him, he’s been manipulative and quite narcissistic. I’m going ahead with applying for child maintenance. I’m just a little worried he will try and get out of paying some how. Or he’ll become bitter and make life difficult for us somehow. He works on cruise ships for various companies and earns good money. I’ve never asked for a penny before now but recent red flags have lead to my decision. He is on baby’s birth certificate. I feel I need some reassurance about this, has anyone been in a similar situation? Thank you

    #64527 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi Newmum84, I’ve moved your post up so others see it and can share their experiences. Meanwhile, here’s some useful information on our website about child maintenance Child maintenance – Gingerbread

    #64538 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Hope you are getting on okay.

    Perhaps to bear in mind from his point of view how immature it is to say ‘I’m not speaking to you again if you…’ and issue this as some kind of threat. Which it is. This attitude is not going to work going forward with co or even parallel parenting as there will always be something that needs negotiating or speaking about, i.e. childhood illnesses/emergencies etc.

    Generally if someone dissuades you from going to court you can bet they have something to hide, otherwise they would be negotiating in a mature way to avoid the stress of it all for you and your kids.

    Good luck with CSA. There is support out there for dealing with narcissists and carrying out what is called parallel parenting – I’m not allowed to post the link but if you google parallel parenting and support you should be able to find someone who will help you with free info about the court process with a narcissist.

    It is hard and you need all the support you can get.

    #64575 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    don’t think your doing anything wrong. sensible parents first try to make private arrangement for maintenance. if that does not work, then can contact child maintenance service and let them deal with it.

    #64627 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you both. Baby’s father’s actual words were ‘if you decide to go to court then we lose contact between ourselves’ which could be interpreted in a couple of ways. He’s since removed me from his social media and hasn’t seen us since Boxing Day so i’ll presume he’s sulking. Immature comes to mind as stated above. And for a 40 year old man, I feel all hope is lost.

    #64629 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    I did suggest an informal agreement as suggested before proceeding through court – however we could not agree on an amount and baby’s father was implying that he would want to control the payments to how he ‘sees fit’ – along with other outrageous statements. Alarm bells rang, thus going to court. Dealing with this sort of personality will only add to the stresses of daily struggles of bringing up baby. The courts can decide a fair amount. I can focus on baby in the meantime.

    #64631 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Well done you, New mum. Yes it is the court’s job and in my experience i have had good experiences with judges.

    And yes, focus on baby.

    #64635 Report

    Newmum84
    Participant

    Thank you. And that’s good to hear that you have had good experiences with judges. I’ve had the most challenging year of my life, after contacting CSA I feel lighter and a little more at peace with the situation.

    #64636 Report

    *deleted user*
    Participant

    Well done New mum. I’ve fairly tired at this point but things are way better than they were this time last year…

    ww

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