Did I do the right thing

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  • #30121 Report

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    my children were due to have contact with their dad today but my son refused to get dressed. (He is waiting on an assessment for a spectrum disorder and has just returned to school) So I text his dad and explained I was having trouble getting him ready and perhaps he could come back later while I continued to try and while our daughter was at ballet so they could still enjoy the day with him and he said he would just take his sister instead if he was being difficult. I said I wasn’t sure that was a good idea at the moment (it’s still early days with contact. Right or wrong that’s what I said can’t take it back now) anyway all this resulted in an argument after he spoke to our son on the phone and accused me of putting words in his mouth when I repeated what he had said as I hadn’t heard him clearly. to which he began threatening court 50/50 full custody etc stating he has been told he will get this. He tried to goad me in to hitting him (absurd as I’m not violent) and then took up a spot outside my house my neighbour heard him on the phone saying “she has to come out at some point” and decided to call 101 for advice and they deemed it an emergency. They came and chatted with me the ex and my son who maintained he didn’t want to go out today. At which point they suggested that he was trying to control the situation and they advised to try again tomorrow when things had calmed down. I can’t get it off my mind I don’t know if I was right but I’m now scared as obviously the police came and I feel like all this is just ridiculous and that we should be able to sort things out but he’s completely unwilling. I guess I just need some reassurance that I A) did the right thing B) it’s not going to go against me. C) that he won’t get what he’s saying as I’ve been their main career their whole lives and they have a home with me ☹️ I think I’ve fallen out with a friend as she feels I should have packed them up and shipped them off and that she thinks it’s wrong the police came. I’m so confused I’m trying so hard I’ve never stopped him seeing them so this wasn’t something I make a habit of.

    #30122 Report

    Katyt
    Participant

    Why didn’t you want your daughter going with her dad?

    #30124 Report

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    Participant

    They’ve only had 5 weekends with him so far or there abouts so it’s all new and there have been a few issues. I just wasn’t sure about her going on her own this early on as shes barely been on her own with him with her brother her whole life. I’m not even sure she’s ever been alone with him as the whole time we were together I was always there he never took them out alone. And as there have been some anxieties from her I just didn’t think it was the right move. I feel the kids should be together this early on. I’ve no idea if I’m right or wrong but that’s what my instinct feels is right.

    #30128 Report

    Chris1987
    Participant

    Hi, You go with your gut instinct. From what you say i can see why you felt abit off with your daughter going alone.. of course he won’t see it that way.. Do not listen to his threats about taking you to court ect ect. He is trying to annoy/ upset you and get a reaction. Don’t spend any of your time worrying about what he says he is or isn’t going to do.. you need to concentrate on the children and what’s best for them. It’s easier said then done but please don’t let his words get to you because that’s all they are at the moment.

    If you can both agree on terms of contact do that and move forward from there…. it’s very hard knowing what’s best or not best. Communication is key and it should be based around the children and the children only.

    Don’t worry to much as it won’t help, take each day as it comes and try to work towards a positive outcome.

    #30136 Report

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    Participant

    Thankyou very much for your reply. I am trying to communicate, I’ve attended mediation…he left as I didn’t agree to his wants, so ended the process saying he’s taking me to court. I say wants as this is all about what he wants. I haven’t once heard him say what’s best for the kids. I’ve sent a parenting proposal outlining what I think is best for the children having being their main career all their lives and said countless times we need to sort this between us not drag it through court. But he is insistent it goes to court as he deems my efforts controlling, despite it being him who initiated mediation. He’s convinced he will get 50/50 even though he works full time and I don’t work due to disability so am available for the children 24/7

    #30138 Report

    Chris1987
    Participant

    I can assure you from personal experience that it’s not just as easy as saying “I’ll take you to court”. There is a process that has to be followed and assessments to be made. It’s not something that just happens over night. I’d do some research on it just to be prepared.

    As long as you are activly trying to accommodate him seeing the kids  you are doing the correct thing. If he doesn’t like it for this reason or that reason that’s his problem NOT yours. Don’t worry too much and take each thing as it comes. Stay positive and don’t let any threats get to you.

    #30139 Report

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    Participant

    Thank you 😊 until today I haven’t once stopped him seeing them. Even the first time he broke up with me 4 days later when he was due to see them (us) I allowed him to come and see them at home. Even after he kicked off about mediation and didn’t see them I still didn’t use that as a reason to stop him. So I can only hope I’ve done the right thing. Thankyou again I feel a little more reassured. I’m scared to lose my kids as they’ve been my world their whole lives, I’ve done everything for them. And although I know he loves them he most certainly doesn’t put them first.

     

    If you have any helpful links links regarding the process etc I’d really appreciate them please. Google is a minefield!

    #30141 Report

    Chris1987
    Participant

    It was a few years ago and it’s all settled now so I don’t really have any info to hand sorry. I’d briefly look for “family court process”. Just so you can have a brief understanding of the process.

    It’s not at that stage yet so I wouldn’t get too much into it but it might be an idea to have a brief understanding. But again don’t worry about it too much and take things as they come one thing at a time.

    #30143 Report

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    Participant

    Brill thanks ever so much for your advice 😁

    #30316 Report

    Dawt68
    Participant

    I too have been told to day that mediation wont work as we wont agree (how he knows this when nothing has been discussed baffles me) and that he is now applying to court for joint custody!!!  He retaliation is down to restricted visits due to our sons emotional well being being put at risk despite him knowing this was the case and was advised via the school councillor. He refused his normal Tuesday and every other Thursday visit following advice from his solicitor but now this is all my doing has I have turned our son against him.

    I want nothing more than for our son to have a full and happy relationship with his father but when he is currently crying at the drop of a hat, behaviour all over the place, wetting the bed and not sleeping due to actions his dad has done I have to protect this boy from further hurt

     

     

    #30338 Report

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    Participant

    Thanks for your reply. Could I ask a question please? Why has he been advised to refuse contact days?

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