Dictating plans after moving the goal post

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  • #61715 Report


    Hi all


    I am a newbie here.


    Bit of background. So last year 2020 my now ex had plans to buy a house for us all.. When his mortgage finally got accepted he told me he didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore so he moved out Xmas eve last year into the newly bought house that we had plans of being our family home.. Obviously this broke my heart not only for me but for our then 2yr old daughter how, conniving and disetful he was as literally we done all viewings together and I choose out decor for the house.

    So come Xmas eve he moved in alone.


    We had her 3rd birthday together in February which was nice and civil and he would regularly text me and update me on our daughter on the days he had her which was 1 day in the week and the weekend


    Fast forward to June.. I collected my daughter from his house and she told me she had a nice picnic with daddy and daddy’s friend Sarah.


    I questioned who Sarah was at the time and he just shrugged so we left and then my daughter who was 3 kept talking about the picnic with Sarah I texted my ex and he finally admitted he met Sarah on a dating app 8 weeks ago and introduced my daughter to her without even consulting me.

    I obviously thought this was to soon and said my child is not to see Sarah until my ex  finally knew her himself.


    Now he had a relationship he would not contact me to update me on how our daughter is (sending pics etc) or facetime he just point blank ignored me

    My ex told me since I am not allowing my child and Sarah to mix he will be dropping his weekends to spend with Sarah insted of his child which really upset me for the sake of our child and her routine.

    So in August this year my daughter and Sarah mixed as my ex deemed that his relationship was serious however my ex still drops the weekends even thou they are mixing now.

    Am I being unreasonable for being upset?? I literally don’t understand how someone can put anyone before the child.


    He has also said he wants my child on Xmas day.

    He knows I have zero family and I will literally be alone for Xmas and my child is my life. I know she needs to see him too but I adore Xmas and go all out and he is a grinch..

    He is saying I will have her till 10am Xmas morning and then he will have her until boxing day.


    He dictates me everything and days that suit him and his new partner.

    Any advice and how I go forward??!

    #61832 Report


    Sorry to hear your predicament, my situation isn’t that different, partner moved out ahead of Christmas leaving me and the kids, since then she’s put her new boyfriend ahead of the kids almost all of the time, actually I’ll say all of the time, even missing out on birthdays. I can never get over how selfishly some people  act. I understand to an extent  that they have different feelings about  the relationship regarding their old partners but to drop contact with their kids is unforgivable. Your right to feel upset It sounds like your ex is treating the whole situation like he’s completely starting again and although Sarah  going with the things at the moment she’ll  be looking to have children of her own. Don’t let him take control he’s left you and your daughter so really he has to fit in with what you say is reasonable. He may not appreciate it but I’d imagine there’s little he can actually do, your the one raising your child your the one putting in the effort whilst continuing on your own, being a single parent is tough and he’s avoiding all of it. You have your day with the daughter. One thing to remember, he’ll dig a big enough hole for himself eventually, your daughter should be his top priority. He’s a fool.
    my wife’s losing the respect of our children, it’ll bite her on the arse eventually.
    stay strong !

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