Depressed single dad with full custody of both my children

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  2beautifulkids 3 months ago.

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  • #27386 Report

    2beautifulkids
    Participant

    Where do I start I have a son who is 11 and a disabled daughter who is 7 I got custody of them in 2017 after my 10 year relationship broke up making sure my children were happy and safe and loved has been my goal from the minute they entered the world I was a painter and decorator but due to my daughter needing 24/7 care with trips to and from the hospital I had to give that up I’ve worked from the age of 14 right up to the age of 32 my ex gives me no support so I don’t get a break from the kids apart from when they are at school I only have 1 true friend that I can really call a true friend other than that I don’t really have adult interaction and as time is going on I’m really struggling with depression I’ve been to the doctors and broke down they have given me tablets but they don’t seem to be working but I suppose there not going to work straight away I have to give it time I find it hard as a man to open up to people close to me because I don’t want to been seen as weak or broken but deep down I really am I put a brave face on for my children but inside I’m truly dieing I’m trying to reach out as much as possible but nothing seems to be changing I guess I just want to talk to a stranger and meet new people start getting my adult interaction back I hope I have got my point across and hopefully there are people listening. Regards graham

    #27454 Report

    Nel76
    Participant

    HI Graham,

    Thanks for sharing your story. It’s a difficult job you’re doing, a very lonely one too without support. Anti d’s will take a while to take effect, usually 6-8 weeks, if you don’t feel an improvement go back to your GP.

    Weak is certainly not a word to describe what you are, you have taken on the full responsibility of what what you signed up for when your ex got pregnant! Not everyone does so unfortunately.

    I too have a disabled daughter who is now 25 and soon to be moving into supported accommodation, being a parent brings it’s challenges, parenting a child with additional needs is an extra challenge & at times, I felt, an impossible one! I survived😁 and so will you.

    This time of your lives together is not your final destination, the best is yet to be. I know those sound like glib meaningless words & when you feel so broken and weary, it’s hard to imagine better times, they will come. I’m so glad you have shared how you feel, it’s a positive step forward.

    I could waffle on forever anyway, feel free to get in touch if you want to vent. (I do too sometimes) not got everything together myself, I’m not where I was though, that’s the main thing😉

    Best of luck & be kind to yourself, you’re doing a great job

     

     

    #27505 Report

    2beautifulkids
    Participant

    Hi

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read and listen to what I was saying means alot.

    It is hard and there are better days than other days as much as I know I’m doing right by my children it’s the isolation and depression I’ve fallen into so for me being a 34 year old single dad I’m finding it very hard to think of the positives right now. I’ve opened up to my daughters social worker and they are going to see what support they can assist me with never being in this situation before just feel the pressure just builds and builds. I had to lie to my son today when I picked him up from school I had been crying before picking him up then he asked why my eyes were red and blotchy I told him I went to the doctors today and found out I got heyfever 😂😭😂😭 little white lie so he doesn’t see I’m broken. Again thank you for responding chat soon regards Graham

    #27506 Report

    Nel76
    Participant

    No need for thanks! Know exactly how you’re feeling.

    So glad you’ve spoken to the social worker, takes a lot of courage to be honest about how you feel, I hope there are some decent services in your area. My daughter used to go to respite every couple of months for a few nights, she loved it & it was nice to have time with her siblings without the focus being all about her needs.

    As for your son seeing you upset, I think it’s important to be honest with him about how you feel, obviously not pouring your heart out but he’s old enough to understand if you tell him sometimes we all feel overwhelmed, he will too at times & when he does, it’s important that he doesn’t feel he has to hide it from you for fear of upsetting you.

    As you said, some days are better than others, he can see that, he’ll see your struggles as well as your achievements, bet he’s dead proud of you😊

    #27509 Report

    2beautifulkids
    Participant

    Open and honest otherwise I won’t get the help I need.

    I have been given 15hrs a month to use for direct payments but with the way I’m feeling and trying to find a worker to take her it feels impossible they said today to think of the positives but when u feel so low its extremely hard to think anything positive. He has seen me break down a few times so he does know the struggles but I just don’t want him to see it often as they rely on me so if he sees me broken he then might take more pressure on his shoulders well if dad’s struggling who have we got to rely on he is going into secondary school in September so he has that on his mind also.

    #27510 Report

    Nel76
    Participant

    Totally understand where you’re coming from in every aspect!

    Does your local council offer any respite service? My daughter went to a council run bungalow which took four kids at a time. Your social worker may well be able to help with the respite if you tell her you’re struggling, sounds like you need that break, would be nice to spend time with just you & your son before his big transition. I too have a son starting secondary school, he never got his first choice initially but after an appeal he was granted one. Hard enough for them without having to go to a new school, without their friends would be awful.

    Wish I could do more than just send well wishes as I know how much of a struggle it is. Hope it helps in some small way to know there are people who understand & are here spurring you on😊

    #27513 Report

    2beautifulkids
    Participant

    The social worker is going to apply for more than just 15hrs a month for me so hopefully get given extra.

    That’s what I really need just some me time and also making sure he has a great 6weeks break with lots of fun and love around him before his transition. I’m glad you and your son got the school you and he wanted in the end.

    Just spurring me on is helping like you said to know someone who has been through the struggle and knows where I’m coming from is like a weight being lifted the release of letting it out. Thanks again

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