25 February 2020 at 6:41 pm #37124
After leaving my sons father for the 1937389th time following an emotionally abusive relationship he has now threatened courts the reason why I have cut all contact and will not engage with him is outlined in the last message I sent I have copied the baby concerns, there was other stuff as well but these are my main reasons, has anyone else encountered anything similar?i tried supervised visitation but I can’t do it.
Alcoholism – you thought and still think based on our recent conversations that it is acceptable to get drunk around a baby.
One of many instance; 8 week old Baby and we had gone to a family party, where I had one half of Guinness all night long. You however was paralytic. When we came back Baby was unwell and was vomiting, you picked him up swaying and carried him upstairs. I have never ever been so terrified in all of my life and begged you to put him down but you didn’t. Then you was out for the count until the following morning. Great dad.
Other instances of drinking; not just at the weekend but in the weekday. Turning up drunk to my mums house, throwing up in Babies toilet and then proceeding to get sick in the bed that your son and I share.
That behaviour is not someone who is a trust worthy father.
Finance – you have bought the odd box of formula here and there along with nappies and wipes. So as other people as well. You have bought the odd item of clothing. But 99% of the time you are not consistent with this and have no money but yet you have money for CEX where you purchase DVDS and you have money for alcohol. A recent example the car seat £200 you refused to contribute because I quote your words ‘I don’t drive’. Despite the fact that the car seat will keep your son safe during travels.
Personal Hygiene – You are extremely unclean and do not regularly shower nor do you brush your teeth. From not maintaining personal hygiene you risk carrying viruses and germs on your body and being around Baby that is not healthy. I have informed you a few times that you smell and you need to wash. Again it’s not a good behaviour you can install in Baby.
Day to day care – you stopped feeding baby; changing him, never bathed him, moisturised him etc I quote your words when I told you once just to place him in the bath your response ‘I am scared’ you had ample opportunities whilst you was at mine to care for him or even if you were worried you could of learnt but you was not interested and chose not too. Take for example the many mornings when you lay in bed on your phone and I was up downstairs with him caring for him not once did you take over or even offer. People have witnessed the lack of care you provided. That’s why I said to you nothing has changed I am still doing what I did before, which is everything for my son.
When he first started on foods I said do you want to give him a spoonful you was not interested, reluctant and eventually came and did it and said ‘THERE YOU GO’ in a sarcastic manner. Now this hurt me because surely this is exciting it’s the next step in his life. But you was not bothered at all.
Language – your language is appalling around him. Examples; You refer to me as ‘*****’ ‘devil’ and this is casually said this is not in an argument! I do not want my son growing up thinking this is acceptable. I want him to have respect for others. It’s not normal behaviour anyway. Plus to top it off your songs; ‘He’s my tiny ******* bear I ******* love him loads’ it’s not great for a little boy to hear. ‘He’s SHIT’ ‘he’s pissed’ ‘******* hell hes being sick’ I mean come on? It’s not on really is it?
Then finally the worst one of all openly saying in front of him ‘wonder who your dad is’ ‘I doubt he’s my son’ ‘I want a dna test’ as I stated to you, thank goodness he cannot hear these things. It would cause a world of mental damage for him growing up thinking that his dad believes it. Now in the past 2 weeks you have openly admitted that you don’t understand why you say these things and no neither do I but you do, same with making up you have lung cancer and the carpet in the lounge is the same as the doctors oh and that you are a homosexual and even when we met again after 8 weeks of no contact you lied and said you have snogged a man! People who can lie about things like cancer and in front of their son, just to hurt their mother, deny their sons biological identity are not healthy for him to be around.27 February 2020 at 3:10 pm #37183
Thank you for posting here. It sounds like you have been through a difficult time. You have spoken about this as being an emotionally abusive relationship and the National Domestic Violence helpline may have some suggestions about coping when moving away from this type of relationship. I am including their details and I hope this helps. Justine
• National Domestic Violence helpline – for support with regards to historic abuse Freephone, 24-hour: 0808 2000 247 http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/