Dealing with the new partner

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Akay.
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  • #63954 Report

    RaeAnne
    Participant

    Hi,

    Please be gentle. I am struggling.

    My ex and I finally parted ways in March. We have 2 very young kids.

    The children are not really over the separation. I can understand and am trying my best to give them a sense of stability and permanence.

    However suddenly my ex (who was emotionally, financially and sometimes physically abusive) has announced he’s introducing a new woman. As far as I can tell she’s been in his life for a few weeks a month or two.

    I find myself hugely angry. I’ve done so much work to make my kids feel safe in their new reality. This is so soon.

    I’m not sure if this early my ex/the woman can know if it’s long term. My kids are young enough to form attachments really easily. I dont want them to bond and then not to see her again.

    Also what sort of person wants to meet a man’s children this early and this soon after their parents’ divorce?

    This coincides with my ex suddenly announcing he wants to pay the minimum possible child maintenance and nothing else.

    How do I work through this anger and help my children?

    #64075 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi RaeAnne, You must have posted at a quiet time so I have moved your post up. I hope other parents make contact soon. Best wishes

    #64077 Report

    Gemma37
    Participant

    I’m sorry, you are all going through this. I too had similar he left and moved straight in with someone who has a small child. He introduced this women to my teenager within two weeks over the phone and told my son not to tell me. I got a call from a stranger telling me a few weeks later. Sadly the only thing I could do was support my son, it explained his behaviour over that time. He knows now that if he has any questions I’m here for him. No one can know if this new relationship will go anywhere even if it moves fast. What my son told me was he was so pleased there was normalcy at home and he needs that. I’m sorry it’s not much help but you being you is what they need x

    #64095 Report

    Akay
    Participant

    I’m so sorry your having the deal with this. I am the middle child with 2 brothers so I had a great bond with my daddy, however he couldn’t live the single life so he had many partners on his life, resulting in me meeting many gfs along the way. Some were lovely, who continue to keep contact years after they split, however some were complete jealous *******, making everything so difficult. My dads cure t with isn’t perfect as gets low level jealous when he helps me but she gets on well with my mums, so mixed celebrations  are never a problem. With that In mind I tried to adopt a civil parent role with my ex for sake of our son. It’s never worked as although he had the affair he is so bitter towards me he will twist my actions to suit him and make me out to be bad. Few girlfriends later he has managed to make things so awkward, they want to make out their happy families but won’t actually man up to what’s needed. I’ve learnt to accept the fact I can’t change many factors but I can be the bigger person, my son only 4 sees that and knows I’m open with him, always there when needed etc/ u can never force anyone to behave like u want but u can adjust your actions to show the positives in u and negatives in them c

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