Dealing with the downsides
22 April 2020 at 1:46 pm #39272
I have recently became a single, shared-parenting Dad. I see my 10 month old son for 2 days in the week and I have him overnight on a Friday.
I am currently sleeping on an air mattress at my mum’s and when I have my son overnight, he has a travel cot next to me in the living room.
I have been dealing with depression and anxiety since I can remember, learning more about it has allowed me to work on it however I also realised that it has been something that has been affecting me for a long time, at least my entire working life (10 years) and more than likely my school years.
To cut a long story short, when I started university I also started a business with a school friend, who I knew had a shady past but trying to be open minded and accepting, I trusted him. 2 years and a lot of money made later, he reveals that he had been playing me all along and changes the locks and passwords to everything. I took this on the chin and moved on. During the final few months of the business I met a girl and we ended up pregnant within the first 2 weeks of knowing eachother. We decided that we were already in love and having a baby would solidify that, fast forward a few months and we move into our own home with our new son. During our relationship I noticed a pattern of lies and again, looked past them in an attempt to be less judgemental and more open minded. This eventually backfired in March this year when she also revealed she was lying and that she was speaking to other people. The relationship in reflection was very toxic, she had a lot of negativity in her past and whether she chose to or not, it affects her decisions now.
So admittedly, the last 12 months of my life have been extremely hard experiencing having everything and nothing twice over, I thought I was handling better than maybe I actually am.
I never had any attachment issue with my son whilst living in what was our family home but now everything has happened, even though I know I love him and I feel it when I’m with him, I almost feel dread when I know I have him as if I’m not good enough to be a dad.
I think this situation is worsened in that I have my family around when I do have him so they’re constantly involved too.
I currently don’t work, I’m on universal credit and I have just applied for PIP but ideally I would like to start another business and start to build my life again.
I just feel very unfocused, numb and like everything is against me. Covid lockdown is also not helping lol. I know others have it worse than me and I hate that I am even complaining but I feel like I’m at a point where I need help to get myself back on top.
I’d appreciate any input at all, advice, criticism, experience etc.
Thank you for reading, Luke.22 April 2020 at 2:06 pm #39276
Wow Luke that sounds like a real rollercoaster and I hope that once your heads stopped spinning after the whirlwind you can get your life and business back into perspective.
I complied a business plan whilst at University but have struggled to get my head around start up loans and laws etc.
Count your blessings in your beautiful baby. Do as much fun and family oreietated stuff as you can.
Are your parents supporting you with the care of your baby??
Maybe go to a health visitor appointment to find out about local baby groups. 0-1s groups and nursery meet ups can be a confidence boost for both mums and dads. Take your time.
Sorry for all the lies you’ve been told. Im sure things will get better 🙂22 April 2020 at 2:48 pm #39282
Hello Luke. ,
One day at a time , set your self one thing everyday that you can complete for yourself trying to sort everything in one go with covid 19 is going to cause more Anxiety and depression , parenting is not easy we all worry about being the best we can but time love and attention are all free
I wish you all the best , keep a jar off all the things you do accomplish each day don’t open it until covid 19 is over you will see you have more strength then you thought it can be simple things like manage a day with no negative feelings , vision 2 learn and many other online learning courses are free they give you something else to concentrate on this is how I spend my time in the evening when negative feelings start creeping in , remember you are not alone we all have our own journey in life and we are all in charge of how our time is spent .Here if I can help .