Dealing with mental/emotional abuse…
20 March 2021 at 8:29 am #51743
Thanks Minestrone, I have reached out for therapy. I have an appointment on the 6th april ❤️
thank you for your kind words. Everything you have said is so true and realy relates to my situation. He does have major issues but unfortunately he isnt willing to accept them and seek help. I on the otherhand, although I am not crazy, have reached out for help. I want to be the best parent I can be and teach my children how to treat people properly and how they should be treated to. I will never let him back into my life other than to be a father to my children.
thanks again xx21 March 2021 at 12:41 am #51760
I’ve noticed over and over again ,it’s the neuro-typical(sane,normal) one who ends up going for therapy! The ones who really need it and would do the world a favour by getting help refuse as they think they are normal…..just the rest of the world is crazy🙂21 March 2021 at 8:25 am #51762
It’s just so unfair 😢 I feel I need this help just to reassure me i’m not the one with the issues and for a way to cope with the anxiety that he causes. I’m back at work this week for the first time in months as i’ve been furloughed. I asked him to drop the kids off rather than me pick them up after a long 12 hour shift, he kicked off and threatened to not bring them back at all because thats not me doing ‘50/50’ share of parenting. I just cannot deal with this mental torture anymore, how do I put up with that for the next 16 years…?21 March 2021 at 11:58 am #51796
Sorry to hear that you are going through this, I suffered abuse at the hands of my partner (physical & emotional/mental) ended up packing a bag and fleeing to a women’s refuge. Best move I ever made as he onwasn’t allowed to know where we were they had a solicitor that came in once a week to give advice & help get any orders in place or help with name changes etc. Also had counselling sessions once a week in there and they helped me with the council of my choice to get rehoused. So a fresh start was exactly what we needed and although it doesn’t feel like it right now you can & will get through this, you’ve done it before & you Can do it again just take one day at a time and good luck & a big hug from me xx21 March 2021 at 12:31 pm #51797
Thank you Flynny2 ❤️ I can’t wait to start counselling. I did it when I suffered post natal depression and it really helped so hopefully it will help now. It’s so hard dealing with someone with his type of personality. One minute he’s nice and civil then the next he is pure evil! I’m exhausted from it all xx4 January 2022 at 12:00 am #64421
❤️ I read your story and it is very similar to my experience with my ex partner. I have 5 children and he’s the father to the youngest 3. Not that you can really give him that title. He’s useless.
We were together 10 years in all. The first couple of years were going well. I’d been single for 5 years since my ex husband cheated on me and left me with a 2 year old and heavily pregnant.
He seemed to be the person I was looking for. Until he started slowly cutting me off from my close friends and family.
I couldn’t see it but he was emotionally controlling me. I look back and can’t believe I was so blind.
I eventually gave in and agreed to try for a baby together even though I didn’t really want more children. 5 miscarriages later (all of which I suffered alone in silence) I fell pregnant with our rainbow baby and that’s when the relationship took a turn for the worst.
He started drinking more, I discovered he had a hidden cocaine habit and I felt trapped. Pregnant and scared to be alone AGAIN by a second father! The emotional abuse and control all saw to it that I stayed regardless of what he did. It was during this pregnancy that the violence began. Arguing all the time about his drinking, going out until the next day with his mates, stealing my money to buy drugs leaving us penniless and struggling financially! One big argument ended in me being slammed against the fridge freezer. I was in shock but called the police and had him arrested and kept in a cell overnight. Over the following week he wormed his way back with lies and false promises and I fell for it.
Over the next few years it got worse. We were in so much debt and he owed drug dealers etc.
More violence ensued. Head butted cracking my nose, dragged off the sofa by my feet while holding our next son who was months old. Etc etc blah blah!
After my 5th baby was born in June 2019 I changed. I started seeing it differently and became stronger.
He was on the tenancy agreement so legally I was stuck! I felt like this was my life forever!
The final fight/argument we had in August 2020 was the result of his 5 day coke binge costing £1200! He got aggressive and threw a glass at me so I called the police and they took him. I got a restraining order (never done that before) and in those 30 days that he wasn’t allowed near me or the house, I spent every day in contact with the letting agency trying to change my tenancy and remove his name. I succeeded!
I called everyone I could think of to put everything in place with my benefits and all that. I felt empowered and back to the strong independent woman I was before I met him! Now legally he had no right to come to my house! He was literally homeless. Sleeping on the streets and it might sound cruel but I didn’t give one cr*p! He deserved to finally get some karma and repercussions for his actions!
Being a single parent is not as scary or difficult as you think! Trust me! It’s a million times easier than having him in my life! Within seconds I felt lighter, less anxious and strong! I noticed my children were calmer and happier too! It didn’t phase them! The older two were teenagers at this time and hated him! The younger ones didn’t understand.
I too was threatened by him. Told he would report me to social services for neglect or having substance abuse problems myself! He said he would contact all my friends and family and spread lies to hurt me and ruin my life so I’m left alone and he will get custody of my children! I’d never risk that happening hence why I stayed so long! My advice to anyone who can relate to my story is GET OUT! In whatever way you can or is best suited to you.
Put everything in place. Know your rights. Know what you’re entitled to claim etc.
Be strong! Men like this are toxic! Narcissistic useless excuses for human beings! They don’t deserve to have that much control over anyone! They deserve no respect! They need to be shown you’re capable of going it alone!17 January 2022 at 1:41 am #65108
I’m so sorry you has to go through all of that 😢 aren’t some men just evil..!! I’m glad you came out the otherside though and are doing good, and so am I.! 7 months we had apart and then tried again as I stupidly thought he’d had the kick up the backside and realised his wrongs, how wrong was I.? Nothing had changed so i’m currently going through the break up again but this time its final. I feel better this time round, i’m stronger and know i’m ok alone. I do not need him and his negative energy in my life..! Just got to deal with co-parenting with him again now….17 January 2022 at 7:57 pm #65177
There are many similarities with yours and my situations…. my ex called social services on me 3 times. I had done nothing wrong, he accused me of some horrendous things – all lies – and it was so horrible. But I plucked up the courage and left him 4.5 years ago, after many times of trying again etc. Best decision ever.
Basically I just wanted to reassure you that there IS light at the end, and you will be so much happier once you can break free.
Being unhappy in a relationship makes parenting so much harder.
There are plenty benefits for single parents, and with a bit of advice you CAN find the right ones for you.
I thought co-parenting would work, it hasn’t, and it has been a long road to get to where I am now but with a bit of patience, soul searching, reaching out for help and and accepting that help, you can get a long way. I ended up at the courts asking for a CAO. It was the best decision for us as the decision making was taken out of my/our hands and was led by professionals. Ultimately, you will make it work for you and the kids because you have to.
In time you will realise that his accusations and abusive comments were just rubbish. You learn to let their words slide off you, ‘like Teflon’ my therapist used to say!
Stay strong, take it day by day and keep talking xx